I was driving and listening to NPR when I heard about the new mammogram recommendations by the United States Preventative Services Task Force, and I strangled myself on some disbelief noises my throat was making and almost rear-ended a car.
If you don't feel like clicking on the links, and reading up about this, here is the verbiage direct from the USPSTF's website:
*The USPSTF recommends biennial screening mammography for women aged 50 to 74 years.
*The USPSTF concludes that the current evidence is insufficient to assess the additional benefits and harms of screening mammography in women 75 years or older.
*The USPSTF recommends against teaching breast self-examination (BSE).
*The USPSTF concludes that the current evidence is insufficient to assess the additional benefits and harms of clinical breast examination (CBE) beyond screening mammography in women 40 years or older.
*The USPSTF concludes that the current evidence is insufficient to assess the additional benefits and harms of either digital mammography or magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) instead of film mammography as screening modalities for breast cancer.
I can barely even respond to this. I've had to calm down and stop shooting my middle finger at this group. While I understand I may not have had this reaction if I didn't know anyone with breast cancer, or had my own scares. Though, I would like to think that as a logically thinking woman, I would still be ticked.
Like so many other situations with health care and insurance for women, this is just one other stab in the eyes that really hurts us. It does nothing for preventative care, and pretty much creates a scenario of reactionary treatment. Why bother finding the cancer until you are 50? Sure, only 7% of women under 40 get breast cancer, but that's tough shit, because our guidelines say 50, and we're sticking to it. Doctors get paid the same and do less, and the insurance companies aren't having to cover as many diagnostic tests. It's a win for everyone BUT the women who may have breast cancer.
Insurance companies are swearing this won't affect current coverage, but I just don't believe it. Or rather, I believe it won't affect policies already in place, but will affect all new and renewed policies. A policy is a contract, so it would be kind of hard for them to change it mid-policy year, but that will not stop them from doing it the next time around. I look forward to that day, don't you? You'll have to pay for your own mammogram until your 50, unless your doctor specifically thinks there is a problem, which by then, that little problem could be a huge problem because a lot of lumps have already metastasized by the time they are palpable to a human; too bad it had been in there since you were 38, but couldn't feel it until you were 43. Would have been nice to have a regular mammogram screening at 40, wouldn't it?
The whole idea that the recommendations were set out to make women feel less anxious about the prospect of having cancer. Right, because I am just a little ol' lady, and my knees buckle and I feel weak at the idea. Thank you for stepping in and saving me from my pesky emotions. I am totally less scared now knowing that I am not even being screened for cancer until I hit 50. What a relief that I can now just put all of that out of mind. Such silly thoughts to have to entertain! I don't even have to examine my own breast now! That was some hard work, and touching myself is so yucky.
Seriously? No, really, SERIOUSLY? How hard is it just to screen us? I always thought 40 was pretty late in the game, and now 50? It smacks of money. That it is not about women's health, but about having to spend all that money on screening tests. Sure, mammography misses a lot of tumors, and it has a lot of false-positives. But should that mean we just use it less? Instead of say, using it while researching better, more sophisticated ways of detecting breast cancer earlier with less false-positives? Why would we just stop screening until 50? Whether it is through a mammogram or self-exam? That is ludicrous.
I know getting a mammogram is scary, uncomfortable and sometimes painful. However, I don't need some group to coddle me and be patronizing. In case no one understands this, women are adults, too. We are not children. Are they going to stop doing digital anal exams on men because it scares men, and they will needlessly worry about having prostate cancer? I doubt it. Will they recommend doctor's to stop checking testicles and recommend men shouldn't feel them either (except for the usual man fondling that has nothing to do with looking for tumors)? I would hate for all those men out there to be worried at the prospect of prostate and testicular cancer--that would really suck if they are having those feelings, so it is probably better that we just stop screening for such things so they don't have to feel the agony of worrying if they have cancer. Obviously if you are not screening for it, it no longer exists. Hi, I'm a baby, you are hiding in another room, obviously you have disappeared off the face of the earth since I cannot see you anymore. Same principal at work here, right? No screening, no worry of cancer! Awesome. Why did I not think of that before? Think of all the doctors' appointments I could have skipped.
What are we doing here? What, exactly, is the point? Who is this benefiting. That's what I want these people to really explain. Do you care about my health? Why would you not want to screen me as early as possible if you care about my actual physical health? Telling me that you want me to feel less anxious, doesn't work for me, because now I'm anxious that I'm not being screened and something could be missed! Is it to save me money? Hmmm, having cancer is pretty expensive, especially when it is invasive due to not looking for it for a decade or more.
I absolutely cannot wrap my mind around this. I will continue to examine myself, and have my doctor send me for diagnostic mammos as needed, and as I get older, if that means I have to make my doctor write me orders for a mammogram and call it diagnostic instead of screening so it will be covered by my insurance, then that is what I will do. I have already gone through the scare of having a tumor, and I think I can handle what ever may come in the future. I'd rather deal with the agony of not knowing if I have cancer or not during the testing process, than just skipping it all together and being oblivious to what is going on inside my body.
Assholes.
Showing posts with label breast cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breast cancer. Show all posts
02 December 2009
30 November 2009
Life with Lumpy Boobs
In college, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is 27 years older than me, which means she was in her late 40s. She had a double mastectomy. A year or so later, my mom's half-sister (my half-aunt), also had breast cancer. She was in her 70s. These are called high-risk factors. None of this really phased me when it came to my own breast. My problems in life more centered around my cervix (another story for another time), which meant I had been seeing a gynecologist on a regular basis since I was 18 years old. My breast were felt up yearly by doctors (usually at Planned Parenthood), and always deemed fine. Around ten years ago, I noticed that my breast felt different. They used to feel kind of like heavy water balloons. My breast by nature are shallow on top and heavy on bottom (my roommate in college made a comment on them once that I can't quite recall, but something about being like flowers); to me they look like ski jumps. I love my breast, especially since the right bra will make them look full on top. It all works out for the best. So, my breast felt different. They felt lumpy. It didn't take a doctor's visit to realize I had breast fibroids.
I was drinking steadily at this time, and I recall having a lot of women touch my lumps (it's educational!). To me, they feel like large land masses moving around inside the sea of my breast. Some months I had a lot, other months just a few. They come and go as they please. When I did see my gyno, she would usually just tell me to cut down on my caffeine intake. I drink at most 12-20oz of caffeine a day, which is minuscule compared to most people I know. So, I ignore that advice. My breast often ache and they do not have much sensitivity, but I rarely think about it because my allergies are my true headache in life. My tits still look great, so I tend not to grouse about them.
Around three or four years ago, I did have a questionable lump. One that my doctor could not immediately identify as a fibroid, and I was hustled off to get my first mammogram. I was around 30 at the time. I was the youngest patient in the building. The tech was really nice, but I felt quite lost. You have to undress in this little closet with an accordion door, and you are just left there until someone comes backs to fetch you; while the whole time you are worrying that you are supposed to do something, like open the door to signal you are ready. There's a lot of that kind of awkward waiting. The actual mammography was more uncomfortable than painful. I'm on the average side of short, and it seems the MAMMOMAT (as the machine is called) can only be lowered so far; thus, not only am i standing with basically one breast and armpit in a machine, but I'm on my tip toes and trying to crane my head as far away from the machine as possible while doing a pelvic thrust toward it. Man, the humiliation is not actually in the smashing of the breast, it is getting in to position. Then you have to wait for the tech to confer with the doctor. Then, off to get an ultrasound. Then that tech consults with the doctor. That first time around, I was there for 4 hours and 7 mammograms. Seems I have weird deposits in my armpits that was freaking them out, but they decided it was nothing. They also felt there was nothing wrong with the lump in my breast. They did tell me that I have extraordinarily dense breast for a woman of my age. I do not have any idea what that really means.
Around last summer, I noticed an entirely different kind of lump in my left breast. It felt like a shooter marble--you know those big gorgeous one that is bigger than the rest of the marbles? It didn't shoot off to a different spot when I touched it. It felt quite attached to where it was located, like an eyeball on a stock. I saw my doctor for my yearly probing fun-time, and she was quite concerned. Off for another mammogram. This all happened around when I was very sick with a nasty cold and got laid-off four days later. So I had to sign-up for COBRA to be able to have continuous medical care. That was a good time in of itself.
I go get another mammogram. Same story, wash and repeat. I could see the damn thing during the ultrasound. Looked like a dark bubble, perfectly round. The tech left quietly, and came back with a doctor in tow. THAT IS NOT A GOOD SIGN. The doctor took my hand, looked me in the eyes, and told me I had a tumor. The Boy was going through the stress of his year-end concert, and I didn't want to stress him out further, so I called a friend, my Amazon beauty. She was and is the best person, caring but not dramatic in anyway. Very supportive but also realistic. I hope she knows I love her (I can't tell her, because she'd probably puke on my head, and that vomit would have 8" to fall before it even reached me). We love without using words, because that is too soft for us! I eventually told a few other close friends by the end of the week, but didn't tell The Boy until after his show.
Many appointments were then created. I had a consult that was thoroughly embarrassing, and I hope I don't have to go through something like that ever again. The man basically ridiculed me and asked why I was there since I OBVIOUSLY only had a fibroid. I did my best to explain that none of this was my idea, and that a very well-known radiological group said I had a tumor, so I was getting it checked out. He didn't even exam me--refused to have a looksy. He was supposed to do a needle aspiration as the least invasive way of seeing if it was benign or not, but he said I should just go back to the radiologist since he didn't think there was any reason for me to be in his office. Awesome. AWESOME.
Hey, worried you have a tumor, go get mocked by a doctor you've never met before!
In January of this year, I went back to the radiology group, and had a needle biopsy performed. To be honest, I never was really that worried about cancer, especially after the scoffing doctor; however, the whole process was very exhausting. The people were great and friendly, but it was still a lot of waiting around half-clothed. I at least brought a book, because I was made to wait on an operating table for almost an hour for the doctor to arrive. Reading while prepped is NOT comfortable. I had some rolled-up towels under my left shoulder and was covered in iodine, so had to read laying almost flat on my back with the book held over my face. My elbows were very pissed at me for quite some time after that stunt.
The doctor finally arrived, and he too was confused at why I was there. He wasn't as mean, but you could tell this was really just going to be an exercise for him in I-told-you-so. Usually when a doctor biopsies a tumor, s/he puts in this little bit of metal to mark where an area of the breast has been biopsied before; therefore, a technician will know during the next mammogram on ultrasound that this area has been looked at before. He didn't even bother doing that step. That is how confident he was that it was just another fibroid. At this point I'm about ready to yell it was HIS people who said I had a tumor. For fuck's sake.
The needle biopsy wasn't that bad. The area was numbed, and then a small slit was sliced in to the side of my chest. Then a teeny tiny tube was inserted to give the biopsy gun a path to follow to the tumor. I could see it all on a monitor, which was awesome and calming for me. I like to know how it all looks. The biopsy gun is much like an ear-piercing gun. It has that spring-loaded air-pressure sound, which was way more scary than it actually going in to me and the tumor. He did it three times, and I got to see bits of me in a vial. They looked like little white wavy tapeworms. Or slices of onion. He put bits of tape on me to hold the excision together. I was bundled off with an icepack in my bra and was told to go home and take it easy.
A few days later I get a call that I have a benign tumor (not a fibroid). That it was going to be up to me if I want it removed or not. Since it is right on top of my breast, near my actual breastplate, I don't really want to remove it. I don't want a dimple on my chest. However, I have noticed over the past few months that when I am lying down, I can actual see the bump (affectionately called "Myrtle Bulge").
The biopsy site took several weeks to heal. This is what it looked like a day or two later:
Today's mammogram (and subsequent ultrasound--I just can't escape without having to go through both) showed that the tumor, like most benign tumors, is growing. They want me back in a year for just an ultrasound (yeah, no awkward positions and boob squishing), but that I may want to start thinking about removing it if it keeps growing. We'll see. Right now it doesn't bother me other than being this lump that my hand will sometimes brush against, and I go, "Oh. My. God. What the fuck is that?" It feels like I have a rock in my chest. It does hurt when it gets hit or pushed on, and especially when this fat Siamese cat I live with decides he wants to kneed it flat.
Thus, I have a tumor and other lumpy bits floating around my tits.
I was drinking steadily at this time, and I recall having a lot of women touch my lumps (it's educational!). To me, they feel like large land masses moving around inside the sea of my breast. Some months I had a lot, other months just a few. They come and go as they please. When I did see my gyno, she would usually just tell me to cut down on my caffeine intake. I drink at most 12-20oz of caffeine a day, which is minuscule compared to most people I know. So, I ignore that advice. My breast often ache and they do not have much sensitivity, but I rarely think about it because my allergies are my true headache in life. My tits still look great, so I tend not to grouse about them.
Around three or four years ago, I did have a questionable lump. One that my doctor could not immediately identify as a fibroid, and I was hustled off to get my first mammogram. I was around 30 at the time. I was the youngest patient in the building. The tech was really nice, but I felt quite lost. You have to undress in this little closet with an accordion door, and you are just left there until someone comes backs to fetch you; while the whole time you are worrying that you are supposed to do something, like open the door to signal you are ready. There's a lot of that kind of awkward waiting. The actual mammography was more uncomfortable than painful. I'm on the average side of short, and it seems the MAMMOMAT (as the machine is called) can only be lowered so far; thus, not only am i standing with basically one breast and armpit in a machine, but I'm on my tip toes and trying to crane my head as far away from the machine as possible while doing a pelvic thrust toward it. Man, the humiliation is not actually in the smashing of the breast, it is getting in to position. Then you have to wait for the tech to confer with the doctor. Then, off to get an ultrasound. Then that tech consults with the doctor. That first time around, I was there for 4 hours and 7 mammograms. Seems I have weird deposits in my armpits that was freaking them out, but they decided it was nothing. They also felt there was nothing wrong with the lump in my breast. They did tell me that I have extraordinarily dense breast for a woman of my age. I do not have any idea what that really means.
Around last summer, I noticed an entirely different kind of lump in my left breast. It felt like a shooter marble--you know those big gorgeous one that is bigger than the rest of the marbles? It didn't shoot off to a different spot when I touched it. It felt quite attached to where it was located, like an eyeball on a stock. I saw my doctor for my yearly probing fun-time, and she was quite concerned. Off for another mammogram. This all happened around when I was very sick with a nasty cold and got laid-off four days later. So I had to sign-up for COBRA to be able to have continuous medical care. That was a good time in of itself.
I go get another mammogram. Same story, wash and repeat. I could see the damn thing during the ultrasound. Looked like a dark bubble, perfectly round. The tech left quietly, and came back with a doctor in tow. THAT IS NOT A GOOD SIGN. The doctor took my hand, looked me in the eyes, and told me I had a tumor. The Boy was going through the stress of his year-end concert, and I didn't want to stress him out further, so I called a friend, my Amazon beauty. She was and is the best person, caring but not dramatic in anyway. Very supportive but also realistic. I hope she knows I love her (I can't tell her, because she'd probably puke on my head, and that vomit would have 8" to fall before it even reached me). We love without using words, because that is too soft for us! I eventually told a few other close friends by the end of the week, but didn't tell The Boy until after his show.
Many appointments were then created. I had a consult that was thoroughly embarrassing, and I hope I don't have to go through something like that ever again. The man basically ridiculed me and asked why I was there since I OBVIOUSLY only had a fibroid. I did my best to explain that none of this was my idea, and that a very well-known radiological group said I had a tumor, so I was getting it checked out. He didn't even exam me--refused to have a looksy. He was supposed to do a needle aspiration as the least invasive way of seeing if it was benign or not, but he said I should just go back to the radiologist since he didn't think there was any reason for me to be in his office. Awesome. AWESOME.
Hey, worried you have a tumor, go get mocked by a doctor you've never met before!
In January of this year, I went back to the radiology group, and had a needle biopsy performed. To be honest, I never was really that worried about cancer, especially after the scoffing doctor; however, the whole process was very exhausting. The people were great and friendly, but it was still a lot of waiting around half-clothed. I at least brought a book, because I was made to wait on an operating table for almost an hour for the doctor to arrive. Reading while prepped is NOT comfortable. I had some rolled-up towels under my left shoulder and was covered in iodine, so had to read laying almost flat on my back with the book held over my face. My elbows were very pissed at me for quite some time after that stunt.
The doctor finally arrived, and he too was confused at why I was there. He wasn't as mean, but you could tell this was really just going to be an exercise for him in I-told-you-so. Usually when a doctor biopsies a tumor, s/he puts in this little bit of metal to mark where an area of the breast has been biopsied before; therefore, a technician will know during the next mammogram on ultrasound that this area has been looked at before. He didn't even bother doing that step. That is how confident he was that it was just another fibroid. At this point I'm about ready to yell it was HIS people who said I had a tumor. For fuck's sake.
The needle biopsy wasn't that bad. The area was numbed, and then a small slit was sliced in to the side of my chest. Then a teeny tiny tube was inserted to give the biopsy gun a path to follow to the tumor. I could see it all on a monitor, which was awesome and calming for me. I like to know how it all looks. The biopsy gun is much like an ear-piercing gun. It has that spring-loaded air-pressure sound, which was way more scary than it actually going in to me and the tumor. He did it three times, and I got to see bits of me in a vial. They looked like little white wavy tapeworms. Or slices of onion. He put bits of tape on me to hold the excision together. I was bundled off with an icepack in my bra and was told to go home and take it easy.
A few days later I get a call that I have a benign tumor (not a fibroid). That it was going to be up to me if I want it removed or not. Since it is right on top of my breast, near my actual breastplate, I don't really want to remove it. I don't want a dimple on my chest. However, I have noticed over the past few months that when I am lying down, I can actual see the bump (affectionately called "Myrtle Bulge").
The biopsy site took several weeks to heal. This is what it looked like a day or two later:
Today's mammogram (and subsequent ultrasound--I just can't escape without having to go through both) showed that the tumor, like most benign tumors, is growing. They want me back in a year for just an ultrasound (yeah, no awkward positions and boob squishing), but that I may want to start thinking about removing it if it keeps growing. We'll see. Right now it doesn't bother me other than being this lump that my hand will sometimes brush against, and I go, "Oh. My. God. What the fuck is that?" It feels like I have a rock in my chest. It does hurt when it gets hit or pushed on, and especially when this fat Siamese cat I live with decides he wants to kneed it flat.
Thus, I have a tumor and other lumpy bits floating around my tits.
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