Fish Thievery

Wikus: So, I went to the botanical garden this morning and only saw one koi! I just now looked it up to see if I could find out why and found this: http://www.statesman.com/news/local/koi-fish-stolen-from-zilker-gardens-799196.html

Grumples: oh, i thought you already knew about that

Wikus: Do either of you know where the fish are? I was a bit upset to see them all gone. I thought they'd all caught some fish disease and died.

Grumples: no, we don't know where they are

Grumples: we are just as upset about it as you are

Wikus: That sounds like something a fish thief would say.

Grumples: and that sounds even more like something a fish thief would say to deflect attention away from his fish thievery

Wikus: I wouldn't take those fish; the shamu I swiped from Sea World would totally eat them.

Grumples: he's greedy like that

Wikus: He eats way more seal meat than my cats do. I'm starting to think he was a bad investment.

Grumples: well, you did steal him, so you didn't lose much on the front end

Wikus: I was going to make orca cheese, but I can't even figure out where his milk comes out (he's a lady.)

Grumples: did you squeeze his nipples?

Wikus: That makes him bitey.

Grumples: wear those chain-mail shark suits

Grumples: is he in the apartment's swimming pool?

Wikus: Yes. He eats up the frat boys that come to play water volleyball.

Grumples: see, that proves he is a good investment

Grumples: he is doing the whole complex a favor

Wikus: Yes, we're all working on a folk song about him.

Grumples: any sample lyrics you can show me?

Wikus: Right now it's to the tune of John Henry, and the working title is "Shamu Was a Douche-Gobblin' Man".