I know everyone likes to mention the weird shit FB spits out in the right-hand column of your home page. Usually my favorites are when FB really wants me to reach out and connect to a friend it has deemed lonely and needing of my attention. However, today it is really feeling up in my bizness, and trying to validate its nosiness by offering me free stuff in return! Hot damn, it is my lucky fucking day!
Getting Married? Sign up for a free class & receive a free marriage license from the state of TX. Click here, make it a forever thing.
I wondered what I would get if I decided to make it "a forever thing," so I clicked, and oh, the rewards of doing so!
Getting Married? Got the dress? The Flowers? The forever... You do mean forever, right?
Soul Mates is a free course for newly-wed, nearly-wed and seriously dating couples. Come discover proven ways to:
* Help strengthen your relationships
* Deepen your intimacy
* Prepare you for a lifetime journey together
Complete this ten week course and receive a free marriage license from the state of Texas.
When The Boy gets back from making a death-in-the-family food delivery to some friends, I'm going to sit him down and see if he's ready for some Christ action in our lifetime journey.
I was a little suspect of this "free" marriage license business, so I looked up information about getting married in Texas, in that I felt the license was either already free or there was a way to get it for free. There was just no way that some church was shelling out the dough to help couples get married--maybe if they promised to enroll in a one-year, automatic direct-debit tithing from your personal checking account.
ID Requirement:
In Texas, you will need one valid form of id such as drivers license, certified copy of your birth certificate, U. S. passport, military ID card, and your Social Security number.
Residency Requirement:
Neither one of you have to be a resident of Texas. Texas is a great locale for a destination wedding!
Pre-marital Education:
In Texas, couples are encouraged to attend a premarital education course that is at least four hours duration. It must be finished during the year preceding applying for a marriage license. Contact the county clerk for a roster of area course providers.
Previous Marriage:
If divorced within thirty days, Texas requires that you show a certified copy of your divorce decree stating the 30 day waiting period is waived.
Waiting Period in Texas:
The 72 hours (3 days) waiting period in Texas can be waived for active duty military personnel.
Fees and Other Tests:
$31 - $41 cash, so don't leave home without it! The fees may vary from Texas county to county. Blood tests or medical examinations are not required in Texas.
NOTE: Effective September 2008, the license fee will be waived if a couple takes an 8-hour premarital preparation course that covers important marital skills and issues such as conflict management and communication.
Never mind the abysmal punctuating in the above, I do enjoy how it points out that Texas is a great destination place to get married. "Oh hey, honey, I know there are many wonderful spots to get married in our own state, but really, I've always dreamed of getting married in Texas. Preferably on the Ewing Ranch. I hear it is such a great destination place!"
Now, if I take an 8-hour course on some Tantric sex, would I qualify for the *FREE* marriage license? I would certainly learn important marital skills! Also, I'm fairly certain that to achieve awesome Sting-level Tantric sex, me and my fiance would certainly be good at conflict management and communication. "Sweetie, while I like that you are being forward thinking about toe placement, I would rather you spend more time flexing your vaginal muscles than putting your right big toe in my left ear. Thanks, doll."
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
31 January 2010
16 October 2009
Describing My Stance on Marriage to Children
The Boy keeps saying "Crub Pawl" for "Pub Crawl." It makes me giggle every time he tries saying it again, but keeps saying it incorrectly. Dork.
There are so many lame things about my job (like Twit, Ex-cop and ECL for instances), but one of the nice things is they let us slaves leave for 2 hours a week to volunteer in various programs (I can't just go out for 2 hours a week free lab animals as my public service). Most of the volunteering opportunities involve children, which I think is very devious and sneaky of my job. It's an interesting weighing of evils: get out of work for 2 hours paid but interact with filthy mouthy beasts, or stay at work for 2 hours getting paid to sit miserably at my desk with spotty internet connection. Volunteering at least looked better on my resume than Slacker.
This school year, I'm tutoring 6th graders at a middle school near my house. It's every Friday around lunchtime. Today was a glorious day to meet the children. Usually I'm very nervous about the first day. Anxiety eating at me, not knowing exactly how the hour will go, or if my kids will be annoying jerks, and if I'll have to interact with the other tutors. At least today, the sun was finally out and the sky was a lurid blue that was almost too painful to look at. If it had been raining, I probably would have shown up close to tears. The sun gave me a bit of pep and fuzzy good feelings.
Since I had been to this school last year (surly 8th graders, ugh), I at least knew where to go sign in and meet up with the other tutors. I was quite focused on sending some text messages, so focused that I just couldn't be bothered to mingle. They were all very excited to meet each other, and talk about their previous tutoring experience. I didn't want to start drooling in my sleep, so I jotted off a line to my best friend about canceling our weekly call due to conflicting plans, complained to another friend about how my financial adviser screwed up my rollover, and a few texts to a friend who was yelling at me for not being at work to IM with. See, my life is busy, I can't bother meeting new people. Even if Flammo is going to turn me in to my therapist for using the cell phone as a pretext to not go through the stress of meeting new people. Whatev.
The strange thing about going to these schools to tutor is how there's always these cops around, coming out of the lunch room, lounging in doorways. If we had cops in school, I was blissfully unaware. This is an "underachieving" school, which to Texas is a polite way of saying, primarily low-income Hispanic children. I feel saying what it actually is, gives more insight to their struggles than saying "underachieving." Most of these kids know a third of English kids at other schools in the area, and so there is a struggle to get them interested in reading. I'm sure the cop hanging out in the lunchroom isn't exactly encouraging either.
My texting spree ended right when the coordinator came to collect all of us and take us to the classroom. We walked for quite some time, even had to go outdoors, and I immediately got a little frustrated since I would have to remember how to get to the classroom next week. I'm so bad with directions. I'm like, go down a long hall, go out a door, cut across some dirt, find a sidewalk loaded with breadcrumbs, and follow until you get to the right pre-fab trailer. Or at least follow the sounds of screaming, overly excited children. I hear they ate quesadillas in "Life Studies" (aka: Home Ec.) class, so I guess I'd be all amped, too.
Luckily, since I am a total loner and wasn't standing near a group of nervous first-time tutors, I was one of the first people to walk in the classroom, so I got to survey the kids and pick my group. I chose a trio of smiling girls. Last year I dealt with the class troublemaker, and I just wasn't going to go through that again. He was so distracting. These girls didn't look too shy, but not the most popular either. As 6th graders, they are so malleable, and want to please, or at least pepper me with so many questions that I have no idea which I should address first.
After getting through the complications of our names, I told them they could ask me anything they want. You know that they are just kids when you give them an opening like that, and all they want to know is how old I am. Then deny that I can possibly be that old. Thanks ladies, but it's been a long time since I was 20. They also wanted to know if I had children, if I was married, where I work, what my favorite food is, how many brothers and sisters I have (it was assumed I would at least have 2 siblings), how many tattoos I have, how old was I when I had my first boyfriend, etc. Such mundane things! It was like hanging out with someone's parents. Tackling the "why aren't you married" was a bit difficult. I want to be honest, but I also don't want to be yanked out of the program for being THAT WOMAN. The one where the parents call the school and demand to know what is being taught to their children.
How do I explain to these 11 year olds that I have never wanted to get married. That yes, they are required to take this "Life Skills" class where they spend a whole semester basically learning how to be a mother. How, when I was 11, I would have been so pissed off if someone made me take that class. I've never wanted to be a wife or a mother. Marriage is such a redundant concept to me. Can I not have a valid long-term relationship without it being sanctioned by church and government? I only want to prove my love to my man; I don't need it blessed by friends and family in a ceremony. I would hope they are happy for me every day, and hey, I don't have to spend money to bribe them with liquor and bland appetizers. Yes, I've been with The Boy 6 years, and my relationship before that was 7 years. I know how to commit people. I treat it like a marriage in that I have expectations of monogamy, security, love, being able to lie on the couch for 2 days without showering, etc. It really rankles me that the idea of marriage makes a relationship more legit. Lame. Also, like many others, I don't want to participate in something that isn't a right for every one. I'm very black and white, and try to make things as fair as possible, and dammit, that's just not fair. Gay people deserve to make dumb decisions and spend a lot of their gay money to have a gay wedding if that's what they want. I just know that I will not be held responsible for The Boys finances. Isn't that nice to know? Our money will never mix nor debt be incurred just because one of us dies. Hey, your death, sad, but that student loan, ha, someone else is going to have to pay it off, because it won't be me!
As far as having children goes. Ew. They may get in the way of all that napping I do, and my heroin addiction will not just be the same if I have to share my drugs with kids. I'm selfish like that.
I told the kids that I don't like labels. That I didn't need the state or a priest to declare us as friends, so why would I need the same for my partner. I'm not sure they totally got it, but it seemed to make enough sense for them to let it go. They do not understand why I don't have children, and I felt the first day of class was not the day to break it to them that children are disgusting and make me break out in to a nasty rash. It is always hard to break the news that they are really just one big sexually transmitted disease.
There are so many lame things about my job (like Twit, Ex-cop and ECL for instances), but one of the nice things is they let us slaves leave for 2 hours a week to volunteer in various programs (I can't just go out for 2 hours a week free lab animals as my public service). Most of the volunteering opportunities involve children, which I think is very devious and sneaky of my job. It's an interesting weighing of evils: get out of work for 2 hours paid but interact with filthy mouthy beasts, or stay at work for 2 hours getting paid to sit miserably at my desk with spotty internet connection. Volunteering at least looked better on my resume than Slacker.
This school year, I'm tutoring 6th graders at a middle school near my house. It's every Friday around lunchtime. Today was a glorious day to meet the children. Usually I'm very nervous about the first day. Anxiety eating at me, not knowing exactly how the hour will go, or if my kids will be annoying jerks, and if I'll have to interact with the other tutors. At least today, the sun was finally out and the sky was a lurid blue that was almost too painful to look at. If it had been raining, I probably would have shown up close to tears. The sun gave me a bit of pep and fuzzy good feelings.
Since I had been to this school last year (surly 8th graders, ugh), I at least knew where to go sign in and meet up with the other tutors. I was quite focused on sending some text messages, so focused that I just couldn't be bothered to mingle. They were all very excited to meet each other, and talk about their previous tutoring experience. I didn't want to start drooling in my sleep, so I jotted off a line to my best friend about canceling our weekly call due to conflicting plans, complained to another friend about how my financial adviser screwed up my rollover, and a few texts to a friend who was yelling at me for not being at work to IM with. See, my life is busy, I can't bother meeting new people. Even if Flammo is going to turn me in to my therapist for using the cell phone as a pretext to not go through the stress of meeting new people. Whatev.
The strange thing about going to these schools to tutor is how there's always these cops around, coming out of the lunch room, lounging in doorways. If we had cops in school, I was blissfully unaware. This is an "underachieving" school, which to Texas is a polite way of saying, primarily low-income Hispanic children. I feel saying what it actually is, gives more insight to their struggles than saying "underachieving." Most of these kids know a third of English kids at other schools in the area, and so there is a struggle to get them interested in reading. I'm sure the cop hanging out in the lunchroom isn't exactly encouraging either.
My texting spree ended right when the coordinator came to collect all of us and take us to the classroom. We walked for quite some time, even had to go outdoors, and I immediately got a little frustrated since I would have to remember how to get to the classroom next week. I'm so bad with directions. I'm like, go down a long hall, go out a door, cut across some dirt, find a sidewalk loaded with breadcrumbs, and follow until you get to the right pre-fab trailer. Or at least follow the sounds of screaming, overly excited children. I hear they ate quesadillas in "Life Studies" (aka: Home Ec.) class, so I guess I'd be all amped, too.
Luckily, since I am a total loner and wasn't standing near a group of nervous first-time tutors, I was one of the first people to walk in the classroom, so I got to survey the kids and pick my group. I chose a trio of smiling girls. Last year I dealt with the class troublemaker, and I just wasn't going to go through that again. He was so distracting. These girls didn't look too shy, but not the most popular either. As 6th graders, they are so malleable, and want to please, or at least pepper me with so many questions that I have no idea which I should address first.
After getting through the complications of our names, I told them they could ask me anything they want. You know that they are just kids when you give them an opening like that, and all they want to know is how old I am. Then deny that I can possibly be that old. Thanks ladies, but it's been a long time since I was 20. They also wanted to know if I had children, if I was married, where I work, what my favorite food is, how many brothers and sisters I have (it was assumed I would at least have 2 siblings), how many tattoos I have, how old was I when I had my first boyfriend, etc. Such mundane things! It was like hanging out with someone's parents. Tackling the "why aren't you married" was a bit difficult. I want to be honest, but I also don't want to be yanked out of the program for being THAT WOMAN. The one where the parents call the school and demand to know what is being taught to their children.
How do I explain to these 11 year olds that I have never wanted to get married. That yes, they are required to take this "Life Skills" class where they spend a whole semester basically learning how to be a mother. How, when I was 11, I would have been so pissed off if someone made me take that class. I've never wanted to be a wife or a mother. Marriage is such a redundant concept to me. Can I not have a valid long-term relationship without it being sanctioned by church and government? I only want to prove my love to my man; I don't need it blessed by friends and family in a ceremony. I would hope they are happy for me every day, and hey, I don't have to spend money to bribe them with liquor and bland appetizers. Yes, I've been with The Boy 6 years, and my relationship before that was 7 years. I know how to commit people. I treat it like a marriage in that I have expectations of monogamy, security, love, being able to lie on the couch for 2 days without showering, etc. It really rankles me that the idea of marriage makes a relationship more legit. Lame. Also, like many others, I don't want to participate in something that isn't a right for every one. I'm very black and white, and try to make things as fair as possible, and dammit, that's just not fair. Gay people deserve to make dumb decisions and spend a lot of their gay money to have a gay wedding if that's what they want. I just know that I will not be held responsible for The Boys finances. Isn't that nice to know? Our money will never mix nor debt be incurred just because one of us dies. Hey, your death, sad, but that student loan, ha, someone else is going to have to pay it off, because it won't be me!
As far as having children goes. Ew. They may get in the way of all that napping I do, and my heroin addiction will not just be the same if I have to share my drugs with kids. I'm selfish like that.
I told the kids that I don't like labels. That I didn't need the state or a priest to declare us as friends, so why would I need the same for my partner. I'm not sure they totally got it, but it seemed to make enough sense for them to let it go. They do not understand why I don't have children, and I felt the first day of class was not the day to break it to them that children are disgusting and make me break out in to a nasty rash. It is always hard to break the news that they are really just one big sexually transmitted disease.
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