Twit is Back With Tears in Her Eyes

It is one thing to wake up with a blindingly painful headache after dreaming about drowning kittens and ET's legs shriveling off (don't worry, it is not true!), and a whole other thing when Twit fucking shows up unexpectedly at 10am.  Who the fuck does she think she is to further ruin my day?  She already inserted herself in to a conversation I was having with a coworker.  I'm so not prepared.  I actually had to take a deep breath and close my eyes when she started talking.  I was blind-copied on a response email to her from a coworker who needed X from Twit to return to work, where Twit totally spilled herself all over the email about medical issues.  There was no need for Twit to have even written back, but there she goes trying to grab as much attention as possible.  It was complete TMI vomit.

While gently cradling my head in a pillow this morning, attempting to relax while deciding if I was in fact experiencing an aneurysm, I had a semi-awake fantasy about God trying to talk to me, and me completely dismissing him as a delusion of my poor, desperate, blood-deprived brain.  Judas Iscariot made an appearance at some point, and we became fast friends.  I wish I could remember more details.  I told myself to make a point of remembering it, but then I fully fell asleep.  Evidently I was not having a stroke or anything more dramatic than the pressure in my sinuses was a hair's-breadth of exploding mass amounts of snot and blood across the bed.  Mattress would have had a lovely pre-breakfast snack, and The Boy would have just made that weird snore and hold-his-breath thing that he does in his sleep.

In other work news, emails!  Here's an awesome signature line from one of my actually kick-ass coworkers: "The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you."  I'm totally having to reevaluate my like for her.  I may have strange semi-awake dreams about god, but this is just some bullshit that should not be legally allowed in someone's email.  What kind of namby-pamby saying is that?  Does that offer succor to rape victims or friends and family of people who have been murdered?  Oh, don't worry, I know you can handle it because the grace of god is protecting you.  There there little one.  Praise be to Jebus. 

If you are looking for some punishment today, then feel free to read this next bit.  A friend sent it to my boss--I did not ask my boss if she agreed with it, because I just don't think I could stand knowing.  Seriously, this is very painful and you may want to have your barf bag on hand, because your hand won't be able to hold the overflow.  Also, try to get past the odd formatting--it is just par for the course on this kind of douchery.  I always enjoy a good read where people can break a complex matter down so simply!  Brava!  Assholes.

Clean the House in 2010

Let's say I break into your house   A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials in ages!!!  It explains things better than all the baloney you hear on TV. 

Her point:

Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress 
is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration.

 Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely.  Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests. 
Let's say I break into your house.
Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave. 
   But I say, 'No! I like it here. It's better than my house. I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors. I've done all the things you don't  like to do. I'm hard-working and honest  (except for when I broke into your house).

According to the protesters:  
 You are Required to let me stay in your houseYou are Required to feed me
You are Required  to add me to your family's insurance plan 
You are Required to Educate my kids
You are Required to Provide other benefits to me & to my family  My husband will do all of your yard work because he is also hard-working and honest. (except for that breaking in part).


   If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my RIGHT  to be there. 


   It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm a hard-working and honest, person, except for well, you know, I did break into your house 
And what a deal it is for me!!! 


  I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of cold, uncaring, selfish, prejudiced, and bigoted behavior.


   Oh yeah, and I DEMAND that you learn MY LANGUAGE!!! so that you can communicate with me. 

  Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?!  America is populated and governed by idiots. If you agree, pass it on (in English). 
If not blow it off......... 
along with your future Social Security funds and a lot of the former benefits of being an American Citizen.