Wasting most of my work day on Friday, I had a little IM conversation with Guamaniac where we fantasized about leaving work at 10:30am, and going to happy hour. It developed in to how we perceive mothers, which, it being so outside our own personal viewpoints, quickly developed in to generic stereotypes. Sue us.
guamaniac: tgi muther fucking friday!
Grumples: no shit
Grumples: can we go home now?
guamaniac: i wish. when do the happy hours begin?
Grumples: if we leave right now, we can have it at 11am
guamaniac: score! i'll be waiting out front.
Grumples: cool
Grumples: where are we going to go?
guamaniac: ummm..some place classy. applebee's?
guamaniac: that would be awesome if we skipped work and went and got trashed at an applebee's.
guamaniac: then made The Boy pick us up
Grumples: totally
Grumples: maybe we can go to chili's and have lots of ribs
Grumples: so not only will we be drunk, but we'll be covered in meaty bbq sauce
guamaniac: yes. can we please do it. let go home sick for the rest of the day
Grumples: sadly, that would disappoint my little middle schoolers
Grumples: today is a party day for them because they just finished the TAKS
Grumples: we're going to play games and have ice cream
guamaniac: boo...putting children before me and applebee's? i don't even know you anymore
i know
Grumples: it's terrible
Grumples: next thing you know i'll be married and knocked up
Grumples: painting my walls beige
Grumples: worring about calories
Grumples: wearing elastic-waisted pants
guamaniac: cutting crusts off of bologna sandwiches
Grumples: obsessively cleaning
guamaniac: sewing outfits and ironing socks and towels
Grumples: and underwear
Grumples: don't forget the underwear
Grumples: and sheets!
Grumples: at least two loads of laundry every day
guamaniac: clipping coupons and making casseroles
Grumples: joining the PTA
guamaniac: getting some small dogs named gracie and noodles
Grumples: with two cats: mops and butters
guamaniac: having ladies over for tea and homemade biscotti
guamaniac: wearing white gloves everyday
Grumples: and sensible shoes with a low pump
Grumples: with matching handbag
guamaniac: vasoline smile and natural make up
Grumples: pantyhose with open-toed shoes!
guamaniac: spearheading the church bake sale
Grumples: start wearing a cross pendant and judging people who drink and do drugs
guamaniac: pray for their souls
guamaniac: start a prayer chain for all the homosexuals
Grumples: paper your door with names of organizations that can help you, turn you around, make you in to a good upstanding christian who only has sex with men under the cover of darkness in some remote bathroom in the woods
guamaniac: or in the confessional
Grumples: no, i would totally look down on that and drive you out of town for doing such a sinful thing in our holy place
guamaniac: send me to camp to rid me of my sins
Grumples: exactly
Grumples: a boot camp
guamaniac: where i will fall ill, but they wont send me to the hospital because the power of prayer will heal me.
Grumples: and if our prayers don't work, it is because you were still thinking sinful thoughts
guamaniac: it's better that i am with god, then here on earth sinning
Grumples: with god, you're asexual and that is the most pure you can get
guamaniac: i can't wait to wear all white
guamaniac: and sprout wings
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