Cloaca Stimulation For Medical Reasons

Me: Are you going to come read in bed with me?
Him: No, I already read today.
Me: Oh, you can't read more than once a day?
Him: No, it will make my penis smaller.
Me: ...
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Breaking news brought to us by the Austin American-Statesman: Mobile homes don't fair well in tornadoes.  That is, um, shocking.
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Poor ET is still ill.  He isn't pooing as much mucus, but he's also barely eating, and just sits all day under the heat lamp.  Tonight I gave him a bath and stimulated his cloaca (oh, naughtiness with reptiles!), until he managed to squeeze something out--which ended up being more mucus.  Poor fellow.  Now he is hiding out in his Shiner shanty.  I don't blame him at all.  I still have to give him a shot in the leg at some point tonight, but felt he should have a break from my tortures first.

Hey, I've had an erection for four hours!  Who doesn't love a good priapism commercial?  Yes, I did do this to myself, and I thought it would be wicked awesome to have a boner for this long, but now I realize it is not sexy and rather painful.

There was a rumor at work today that Twit was going to come visit to show off her Twitaby (a shout out to a special sassy redhead--who is expecting her own little one, who I am sure will be nothing like Twitaby, and I'm told I will really appreciate her name, but I have to wait until she's born to find out--for coming up with such a delightful name for baby Twit).  I know her and Ex-Cop Lady Lackey went to lunch, and thankfully, I was hiding in my boss' office for the whole afternoon, and wasn't around to be scarred by all the cooing and touch of Twitaby.

My rash is a lot better today.  I canceled my doctor's office based on that premise, but really, to come clean and drop all the rationalizing, the truth is I just didn't want to go to the doctor.  At. All.  So I didn't.  What I did end up doing was driving like terror on wheels to get to my optometrist in rush-hour traffic (it is such a pain to get in to south Austin--not enough bridges...but, that is a good thing, except when I am the one who needs to get somewhere fast).  There's nothing wrong with my eyes (that is so wrong to write since I have tons wrong with my eyes, but nothing that corrective lenses can't fix), but I had a special package to get.  I got there with 5 minutes to spare.  Sweating and shaking I got my glasses and calmed the fuck down during my leisurely drive home.  Now I have the most beautimous glasses anyone has ever owned.  There is no point in describing them, because I am unable to do them justice.  Just know that you would be extremely jealous of my eye wear if you saw me.

Now I am going to go back to reading this fascinating book about one woman's experience behind bars.  It is a bit uncomfortable because she is an upper-class, well-educated (read: privileged) white girl, so her life is a lot different from most of the ladies in prison with her.  However, she is honest and is able to acknowledge that she is getting special treatment due to her background, and explores (not too deeply) what it is like for all the other non-white women.  Even though the book does not in any way make prison look glamorous (they have to strip naked after every outside visitor then squat and cough while someone is looking at their assholes...I don't know if I would be able to do that), but it doesn't seem that horrible either.  Seems that most of the women are very kind and look out for each other.  They can pretty much roam around freely to smoke and hang out with each other, watch television, do their hair in the "beauty salon," read books, work a job, lift weights, etc.  Seems really the worst is missing the outside life, which is terrible, but I would think far better than being stuck in cell all day with nothing at all to do but sleep and jerk off in a listless bored way.  They are kept busy and make friendships that will last long past time served.  I'm only halfway through the book so there is still time for it to get a lot better or to take a serious nose-dive.  So far I recommend it, Orange is the New Black by Piper Kerman.