Purposefully Failing at Having Babies

There's a party I might attend.  Maybe.  Probably.  This  is something important to The Boy for various reasons that aren't germane to this conversation.  I want to go for him, but here's the thing, it is celebrating a child's birth.  Never mind the fact that I have no idea what one does at a party where we are congratulating a couple on their successful sex, there is a chance (though a very small chance) that I will unwillingly be subjected to a conversation about children and my lack of successful sex.  I only have unsuccessful sex where orgasms are had but no insemination.  Poor me.

I tend to get uh, extremely testy when I am in this situation.  The Boy likes to say I can make a lively room turn dead silent with a brilliantly turned phrase.  I don't really see a need to improve on this response, but he sees otherwise.  Not that he is telling me what to do per se, he isn't--he is very supportive of me and who I am.  However, he likes to gently try to open me up to other ways of thinking and reacting.  When I told The Boy that I am all down going to the party with him, but that if anyone feels it is necessary to get in my face about my decision to not have children, that I am going to get straight to the point with them, which may not be nice and pretty.  This led to an hour-long discussion with The Boy.  I am not going to attempt to discuss his point of view, because I am not him, and I don't totally understand it yet.  Nor does he mine, but it was still a good debate.  I made him late to rehearsal--oopsies.

Sure, this whole thing will more than likely never come up in conversation on Saturday, but as we all know, I liked to be prepared, even if that gets me more worked up than necessary.  This is what I imagine will happen, and the only reason I imagine this is because how many times I have had been stuck in this very conversation over the past 25 years:

Stranger at Party (SAP): Do you have children?
Grumples: No
SAP: Oh?
Grumples: Yes.
SAP: Any reason?
Grumples: I have no interest in having children.
SAP: Oh, you're young, you'll change your mind.
Grumples: (Barely containing her anger) I don't think so.  I haven't ever wanted children.  I've known that since I was a child.
SAP: Oh, yes, I always thought I didn't want children but then my priorities changed, yours will too.
Grumples: I hate children and would rather push them in front of moving cars than have one.
Whole Party: GASP!

This is my hilarious stab at hyperbole that no one seems to get.  Ho hum.  While I may not truly wish physical harm on children, I really don't want them and my mind is not changing.  I am perfectly happy saying as much, what I am not happy with is a) having to defend my decision and b) someone thinks s/he knows my mind better than myself.  It infuriates me to the point of eye-twitching, fist-clenching, teeth-gritting anger.

I understand that most people are not intentionally trying to goad me in to a full-blown freak-out, and they say things because they simply cannot understand where I am coming from.  They can't imagine their lives not wanting children.  That is fine, and I am even willing to probe this line of thought if I am friends with the people who are asking me these questions.  Sadly, I never am.  However, I am not interested in gushing about my feelings regarding my ideas regarding procreation with someone who happened to go to the same party as me.  And I really don't like discussing such things if the person totally dismisses my feelings by basically saying I am too young to understand the true beauty of children.

When someone tells me I will change my mind one day, may I say back, "Oh, yes! You'll change your mind about having children in the first place one day.  You'll see!"  Oh, that sounds rude and mean?  I had no idea, because what you said to me sounded rude and mean.  Is it that you feel it is completely okay to question women who don't have children because that is so damn abnormal that you can't even accept it as part of your worldview, and most immediately bury it before anyone sees that poor woman over there who doesn't want children.  That sounds like, oh, I don't know, sexism.

Do men ever have to go through this?  Yes, probably, occasionally, but I do not believe on the same way all of us women who are childless by choice.  Though, I guess men can suffer a reverse situation of this if they happen to totally want babies, and feel the need to make comments to everyone about how their baby-making timeclock is ticking, and ticking hard, and practically explodes when seeing a baby.  Then he'd be ridiculed much like I am when I say I don't want a baby.  That is so fucked-up.

On top of all this crossing of boundaries and asking personal questions and insulting my intelligence, there is the expectation to play nice because it is a social situation.  I thought answering the question was playing nice, but it seems I am wrong to think that.  Since I don't tell anyone to shove their fucking baby up their fucking ass, I feel I have been exceedingly nice.  I fail to understand how it is my responsibility to make sure there is no conflict and no one feels badly for being too inquisitive.  Why does the burden fall to me smooth things over and make sure no one sees that I am upset?  Why can't I make people uncomfortable as they have made me?  Why is this a "bigger person" situation?  What do I get out of accommodating people's rude behavior?

This is why I hate so many social situations.  People can act like asses toward me because I don't follow the normal female paradigm (how can this be 2010 and people still assume that all women, unless crazy, want children?).  The expectation (just like with my tattoos) is that I become some kind of spokesperson for "my kind."  I am at a party for pretty much the same reason other people are there--to have fun and be with people I like.  I am not there to be treated as a traitor to women's right to have children--like I am not taking advantage of everything that is afforded to me, and that just really fucks up the bell curve for everyone else.  Stop purposefully failing at having babies, dammit!

All this ranting and the conversation will probably never happen.  But damn, didn't it feel good to just get it all out like that?  Try it!  I need more people purposefully failing to have babies to back me up here.  Who wants to put all those breeders in their place?  Of course any of you open-minded baby-makers who don't have a problem with my want to get my tubes tied can definitely line up to be my friend.  I like you.