Going Into His 40s With Good Colon Health In Mind

On Sunday night, after a perfect sunny day that almost reached 80º, I went ahead and dewinterized my legs. It had been weeks since I last shaved, and it took some goddamn work to get my legs smooth. Had to keep banging the razor on the side of the shower wall to clear out all those gross hairs. I felt awesome in bed that night with our 600 thread-count sheets. Monday I wore a dress (even though I walked like an idiot thanks to my sore calves), and all was well with the world.

Then comes today. The Boy's 40th birthday. And it is fucking snow. Everyone in the city is going yipee, hip-hip-hooray! Not us. This is lame. He grew up in Maine, so he's had his fill of snowy birthdays. I had to cover my legs in long-johns and corduroy pants. Annoying. Then there's all this happiness about how it is snowing, but then everyone thinks they should be let out of school and work early because of the roads. My god, the roads are wet! It's 35º and the roads have slush on them. We will never be able to get through that. We will all die in fiery wrecks. Wet, cold, slushy fiery wrecks. This thwarted our day in that IKEA closed at 2pm due to the inclement weather. This is Texas. We have thunderstorms that rock the very foundations of our house, but some fucking snow makes us happy emotionally, and petrified to actually leave the house. Sigh, so we did not get the shopping on that we had totally hoped to do.

However, we did get an Edible Arrangements fruit basket from The Boy's mom (surprisingly, it does not have any prunes in it), which is totally cool, but I have no idea where we are going to store it. Our fridge is not that big, and is full of useless, expired food. I can't make The Boy clean out the fridge on his birthday. That is just mean. I'm supposed to give him blow jobs and other hot-sex action. That totally embarrassed him if he just read that. Ha ha. It's true, though, right? I got him a kick-ass birthday present (thanks to a rock guitar god and their recording engineer), so either way, I have served him well. Now, if I only knew what I actually got him (a pre-amp [Great River] and box [API Lunchbox], which sounds really lame, but cost a shit-ton of money).

The snow is obviously melting, but it is supposed to drop in to the 20s tonight. I can only hope my office opens late tomorrow morning, but I highly doubt it. The day off was quite nice with The Boy and I hope he had a very nice (albeit low-key) birthday. The party will be Sunday night with breakfast-for-dinner and drinks. I won't make him wear all the silly old-man stuff people have given him. I'll just continue to make fun of how old he is, and how I will always be 5 years and 2.5 months younger. Brahahahaha.