17 February 2010

Inappropriate Facial Expressions While Drilling

Extremely bad sinus problems. Called in sick (yet again). Was in bed until 3pm, and had hot chocolate and a bagel dog for lunch. You can't beat a hot dog wrapped in a bagel to make me smile.

Our hardwood floors are installed, in look so fucking gorgeous, that if I felt better, I would stare at my reflection in them. Wikus helped me put together 3 large bookcases, and when I think my body can handle the dust, I will put so many books on them. It will be glorious. A wall of books. That's something to make love to right there. We made some bets on which cat would totally slide out on the new floors. We couldn't decide who would be first, but felt Mattress would be the most upset, and Whoopis the most excited and nonchalant about it.

While the floors were being installed yesterday (or rather, while I sat around babysitting the workers and inhaling a half-ton of dust), a Grande contractor showed up to install our phone and internet. This was supposed to be the best moment in my life. A divorce and a new relationship all at once. However, the man who showed up was frightening and inept. He looked like someone from the depression who had gone west to pan for gold. Then he got frozen in time, and when he came awake in the 2000s, he decided to work for a communications company and install phone, internet and cable for people. I won't go in to the details--I can't bear to live through it again. He was here for FIVE HOURS. The Boy was very relieved that Wikus came over to keep me company while a crazy Ol' Codger was on the loose. We got in to a few arguments, and he had to call in back up (in the form of a young friendly black man with a gold-capped front tooth). I came to the realization that this was the man's first day on the job. Maybe he was more cut out for gold panning. I wish I had a picture of him with his foot-long drill bit in the wall, staring at me while pushing the bit through. Like an old man fucking the wall and using me for inspiration. Ugh.

The worst part is I wasn't even able to get the internet to work until today! Not an auspicious start. Please say it gets better from here. Imagine being driven back to AT&T!

Watching a show about pregnant obese women. Where's the show about pregnant anorexics? Obese people get all the love. I'm going to go make chocolate chip cookies and ponder how I can get my own television show.

1 comment:

John, the Amazon's man said...

Watching a cat fly full speed into a wall after sliding across new wood floors is both funny AND cruel. When we installed new floors at the old house, Sammy came running through and went THUNK!, right into the wall. It was hilarious and wrong, on both levels. Until they get their "floor feet", this could be quite fun.