Whoo, I'm sun-tired, walking-tired, allergy-tired. My nose feels pink.
I spent the day being half-ass trained by twit. I neglected to make a lot of eye contact. I did stare rudely at her base line and hairy chin. She really doesn't have a lot to do that isn't related to Ex-cop; so, I am confident filling in for her over the next two months will be relatively easy--unless she left out a lot during training. I expect that she has, since she seemed totally confused regarding her own job.
Later, she and Ex-cop Lady Lackey went to lunch, and some jackass woman from the other side of our floor came by to specifically see if Twit was still pregnant. "Is [Twit] here today?" "Yes, she's at lunch." "Oh, I wanted to see if she was still pregnant." Excuse me? Really? So fucking weird. Then she tried to chat me up about how empty the floor was and how nice the weather might be outside. It got to the point where I started texting with the phone in my lap, and saying, "uh huh" a lot, and she didn't get the hint at all. Just like Twit.
Then there was that crazy hour of driving, packing up The Boy, grabbing Wikus and Esquire, driving back to the office to park, then fast-walking 1 mile to see Peelander-Z. So worth it. Such a damn entertaining band. There may be no need to buy a CD, because their energy could not possibly translate. You just have to find a way to go see them. I swear to you, it is very much worth it. "How do you like your steak?" "MEDIUM RARE!" "What a health?" "SUPER HEALTH!" Sadly, the venue was not suited for their more acrobatic antics, like playing guitar upside while hanging from ceiling beams. The Boy did get to touch Red Peelander's butt when he crowd surfed over our heads. For me it was a bit frightening since all these people were running over just to touch Red Peelander, and it seems that none of them could see a 5'3" woman standing right there. They just trampled me in their eagerness. Luckily I got out alive, and my fun was not diminished in anyway. An added bonus was Guamaniac and Two Ladies in a Cup (TLC) showing up for hugs and kisses and giggles.
Later, we stood in a long line for Roky Erikson and Okkervil River. I did this for Wikus and The Boy. A homeless woman approached us asking for a penny. As The Boy went searching through his pocket, she totally knocked me to the side and said, "What are those?" pointing to the t-shirts he had in his arm (yes, he got his Peelander-Z shirts!), "Are those shirts? Can I have those? I'm homeless!" I muttered under my breath that she could find shirts all over town right now (it is SXSW right now), and The Boy said they were our shirts, so no, she couldn't have it. "Can I have a dollar? I'm homeless!" The Boy was unable to find any money, and she wondered off in a huff.
I know I just spent a good portion of my post yesterday standing up for homeless people, but her actions are way so many people yesterday were commentating assholes. She was demanding and rude. She shoved me more than once, and I have no idea if she noticed or not. Sadly, it was just too easy to mock her every time she punctuated her demand with "I'm homeless!" Leading us to come up with our own demands to entertain ourselves in the long line:
"Give me your panties. I'm homeless."
"I would but I'm wearing tights..."
"Give your tights. I'm homeless!"
God, we're so terrible, but really. I'm homeless!
Roky Erikson and Okkervil River were so horrible that we bailed, which made Wikus sad because he was enjoying them. I so have no idea why, but it was three against one, so he lost. We went out for some Tex-Mex and margaritas to make it up to him. Our waiter was totally pushy, and kept trying to upsell us on everything. We kept saying no, and then he started rattling off the specials, which I didn't totally catch, but heard "mar" and I flat out said, "NO!" I don't want your fish, mister. There was some bickering around the table how he wasn't actually trying to convince me to get the special, just telling me what the special was. However, he was still trying to give the specials to us, and we were being so unattentive that he actually walked off with the words still trailing out of his mouth. Oops, sorry waiter. I looked at the specials on the menu and what I said an emphatic "NO" to was some dish that was chicken, jumbo shrimp and cottage cheese. Oh man, gross. I'm so glad I didn't actually hear him list that nastiness out loud. Sick.
The waiter tried to serve Wikus a frozen margarita. Poor Wikus, it just wasn't his day. It took forever to get his marg on the rocks. At one point, a hostess stole my water right out from under my nose. I wasn't done! She eventually brought back a full glass of water. I stand by the idea that water is to be brought to my near-empty glass, not my near-empty glass taken away from me. What if I had choked on my spicy flaquities? It was totally possible.
To further really rub in the awfulness of the evening, we attempted (ATTEMPTED) to watch Miami Vice the movie. Please do not ask me why I had this on my Netflix list. I do not have an explanation. At. All. Of course the movie is exactly what you expect. Collin Farrell can't do an American accent, and you spend much of your time trying to figure out just what accent he really is going for. There was some other bit character who I swear was doing his best Truman Capote. The soundtrack was mixed terrible, and it was all music and loud noises with the dialogue pretty much set on mumble. Which was fine, because it left plenty of time for tipsy Wikus to provide the conversation for us. I will not repeat it here. It wasn't always appropriate. But he had Esquire laughing so hard, he almost fell off the red couch. I had to warn him that the couch had no sides to catch him. At an hour and 15 minutes, we checked how much longer we had to go--a fucking hour and five more minutes! Oh no, that was unbearable. We all agreed to watch the first few seconds of the rest of the chapters. It really made as much sense as the part of the movie we actually watched. Also, the two sex scenes both started in the shower. Way to be derivative in your own movie. Geez.
Tomorrow Twit is off and I have one more half-day to get through. Then I'm free for the rest of the week to do as I want. Maybe more SXSW, or possibly taking naps on the couch. We'll see!
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