A Day of Excesses

Today was a sweaty-buttcrack day, which isn't totally bad, since the weather was in the 70s with a strong breeze; yet, my ass was still totally sweaty.  I blame the two fucking hams tied to my lower back; however, The Boy was actually sweating today, so it couldn't possibly have just been me.  He rarely sweats.  I'm not lying here.  His body just doesn't produce sweat.  I'm a smelly hairy girl.  Sure, I know what to do to keep that to a minimum, but he doesn't even have to know those secret rituals that most humans of either sex must go through.  Sit down for what I'm about to tell you next.  It is not hyperbole, no exaggeration.  Just the plain truth.  The Boy's sweat smells like maple syrup.  What a total asshole.  So, yes, today he was actually sweating, but not one bit of stink was emanating off his body.  I hate to think what I might have smelled like out there under the sun walking between tents of the downtown art festival.  The horrors.

Today was a glutinous day, which has left my stomach totally gurgling and gushing.  The Boy is sitting here exclaiming every few moments, "Gaw!  Gross!"  He likes to pretend he doesn't fart.  Whatev.  Also, his farts do stink.  Do not believe him when he says they smell like roses.  Lies.  All lies.  Ahem.  Breakfast (at 1pm) was IHOP, and I ate almost all of it, which is rare for me.  I usually leave most of my scrambled eggs (with cheddar cheese) and half my hash browns.  The eggs get so damn icy at IHOP due to their penchant of having the air conditioner set year round to 60 degrees.  Today it was almost balmy for them, which made me ravenous.  I had to stop myself from eating all my blueberry pancakes, because I knew I had a mission in the afternoon, a task that would probably require a lot of courage and a reasonably empty stomach. 

I'm not exactly late to the Double-Down, because I did know about it quite early on, but I am late to actually trying it.  I had proposed that Fink-Nottle and I do it together (virtually).  Then it was released and the web went wild with everyone trying it and blogging about it.  It was Fink-Nottle's birthday last weekend, so he already had plans that did not include something that could make his guts fall out through his belly button.  Thus, we did it today (this is the abridged version so none of you fall over drooling on yourselves).

hello!
Grumples:    i'm home
Fink-Nottle:    likewise
Fink-Nottle:    proud owner of a double down combo
Fink-Nottle:    w/ mountain dew
Grumples:    i just got the double down
Grumples:    the KFC i went to doubles with a long john silvers
Grumples:    so i was scared the fries would be fishy
Fink-Nottle:    mine doubles with a taco bell
Grumples:    i am drinking lime sparkling water
Grumples:    taco bell is better than a long john silvers
Grumples:    though, not as piratey
Grumples:    they gave me 7 napkins
Grumples:    do you think they give that many napkins with all the meals?
Grumples:    it's heavy
Fink-Nottle:    well
Fink-Nottle:    KFC is pretty greasy
Grumples:    true
Grumples:    1
Grumples:    2
Grumples:    3
Grumples:    GO
Fink-Nottle:    mmm!
Fink-Nottle:    smells bbqy
Grumples:    there's a little spice
Grumples:    it does not smell bbq to me
Grumples:    smells like my childhood memories of fried chicken
Grumples:    it rivals country ham in salt content
Fink-Nottle:    pretty tasty so far
Grumples:    i believe the salt is actually burning my mouth
Grumples:    which means I LIKE
Fink-Nottle:    god, it is hella salty
Grumples:    is your blood pressure rising?
Grumples:    i'm sure our medications will keep it from spiking too much
Grumples:    is there a condiment on this?
Fink-Nottle:    cheesy half-mayo
Grumples:    i should have been warned
Fink-Nottle:    chipotle?
Grumples:    hmmm, that would explain the slight spice
Fink-Nottle:    man!
Fink-Nottle:    that was one tasty sandwich!
Fink-Nottle:    hard as hell to eat though
Grumples:    you're done?
Grumples:    i'm not even halfway through yet
Fink-Nottle:    I am
Grumples:    it is tasty
Grumples:    however, even though i don't miss a bun that much, i'm not so keen on all this chicken in one sandwich
Grumples:    i think i'd like this more as an open-faced single down
Fink-Nottle:    that cheese was good
Fink-Nottle:    monterey jack and pepper jack
Grumples:    i find the bacon pretty subtle
Grumples:    i could have actually used some more cheese to cut down on all this chicken action
Fink-Nottle:    well, it's a bait-and-switch -- I mean, the traditional sandwich, the meat's the best part
Fink-Nottle:    but the chicken's the best part of this
Fink-Nottle:    I agree on the open-faced single-down
Grumples:    Whoopis is over here with his nose in the air and looking hopefully at me
Fink-Nottle:    he's your diabetic cat, right?
Grumples:    yes
Grumples:    so he's going to go on looking me hopefully
Grumples:    until he walks of mewing dejectedly to himself
Fink-Nottle:    figures.  he can smell the diabeetus.
Fink-Nottle:    well, I'm quite happy with this meal
Grumples:    i'm glad
Fink-Nottle:    however, it was super, super greasy
Grumples:    i found it a little above average
Grumples:    yes, i used the napkin a lot
Grumples:    though, only one
Fink-Nottle:    I liked the sauce and the cheeses
Grumples:    i have 6 napkins left
Grumples:    i did not like the sauce at all
Grumples:    i'm hoping when the other half cools down, i can remove some of the sauce
Fink-Nottle:    well, without your encouragement, I likely would not have eaten it
Fink-Nottle:    so, thanks!  my future cardiologist's yacht thanks you!
Grumples:    i'm glad you found it to be such a positive experience
Fink-Nottle:    life-affirming!
Grumples:    oh, do you think he/she will name his/her yacht "Grumples"
Fink-Nottle:    if we ask nicely
Grumples:    sweet
Grumples:    i'm so proud of this moment in our shared history
Grumples:    you know, i think we should take this time to reflect and possibly nap
Fink-Nottle:    nap-away
Grumples:    and you?
Fink-Nottle:    I can see this qualifying as a nap-inducer
Fink-Nottle:    I'll be fine
Grumples:    will you at least reflect on the awesome twenty minutes we shared together?
Fink-Nottle:    I will indeed.
Grumples:    my belly is heavy with two fatty carb-loaded meals

Today was a day of art.  We go to this festival every April, and has never disappointed us.  We can never leave without buying something.  This year, we went a little overboard, and it was so worth it.  As always, I also got a present for my Not-So-Secret Crush whose birthday is Monday.  She won't get it in time, but that's okay.  That's the way we roll with each other's birthdays.  I got her something really nice this year in that it is the *real* thing and not a reproduction of a *real* thing.  I just couldn't resist.  We got items from Andy Van Schyndle, Jay Long (this is our second time purchasing something from him), Mary DiStefano Jarowitz and Margaret DiStefano Mitchell, and Edson Zinser Enriquez. All are paintings (or reproductions of paintings) except the last which is a very simple silver necklace.  I have been looking for something like it for a very long time.  Most necklaces are too long on me (only my legs and arms can be called long, everything in the middle is short), and they get lost in my chest tattoo.  I wanted a necklace that would fall at the base of my neck, in that little shallow where the neck meets the collarbone (oh, it's the suprasternal notch). 

For all my skinniness, my collarbones don't really protrude, but I swear, they are actually there right at the top of the tattoo.

Today was also the discovery of a good book that I've had in my possession for quite some time.  A few years ago, I was reading an article about James Tiptree, Jr, and the biography that was just published about her.  Even though I had never read her stories, I felt that it would be a great book to gift to Fink-Nottle.  He in turn gave me the collected stories, Her Smoke Rise Up Forever. I can't remember if he gave it to me for Chicken Day or my birthday--no matter, the point is it has sat for quite a while in my to-be-read pile.  Today, I decided to give it a go.  And frank-and-beans, it is so well-written, fucking riveting.  And I'm only two stories in to it.  Go out and grab a copy right now.  GO!