Just Biding My Time to the Wedding Present Show

This is a day of excitement.  I have managed to get through all of work and a fantastic dinner, and now have to piddle away just a few more hours.  Then.  THEN I get to see the Wedding Present do their Bizarro album from front to back.  I took tomorrow off to make sure I can really rock it tonight.  By it, I mean stay awake past 10pm.  Doors are at 9pm after all.  I've already had a beer--that may not have been the wisest decision ever.  However, Frijole will rescue me shortly by calling in for our weekly chat.  Inertia will not win tonight.  Wikus is acting like he is not ready to rock because it is a Monday night.  I bet he didn't take tomorrow off from work.  His job isn't as nice as mine, so he probably felt it would be a wasted vacation day.  Not so, says I.  Not only will I sleep late, but I will also take the time get my driver's license renewed.  Multitasking!  I'm worried they will take a new photo.  Must think of something flattering to wear, and hope my hair is puffy enough without delving in to straight on frizz.  Damn you thinning hair and bad genes.  I will also have to pass an eye exam--better put in new contacts tomorrow.

A sentence with a connotation I did not mean at the time I wrote it, "You may come over when ever you want if you need more entertainment than the alone kind."

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A trial in not physically groaning in Ex-Cop's Face and Kicking Him in the Balls

Ex-Cop: Hey, do you wanna do me a favor?
Me: Depends.
Ex-Cop: Do you wanna help me play a practical joke on my wife?
Me: No.
Ex-Cop: Come on!
Me: What's it entail?
Ex-Cop: Well, over the weekend I chopped our bushes up real good.  Made a mess of it.  So, what I want you to do is call my wife and tell her that you are a representative with the city, and that "a crazy horticulturist is on the loose" and hacking all the bushes to pieces.  And not to blame her husband for the mess.
Me: (Interrupting him) No.
Ex-Cop: Really?  Why not?  It'll be fun.
Me: I don't think it would be fun for me.
Ex-Cop: Really?  REALLY? You won't do this for me.
Me. No. No I will not.
Ex-Cop: You really won't help bail me out of trouble with my wife?
Me: Correct, I really won't help.  Sounds like you have a problem that you need to get yourself out of and that does not involve me.
Ex-Cop: (Shakes his head in disbelief)

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Fun Item in the Mail

An envelope proclaiming "IMPORTANT TRAVEL DOCUMENTS -- OPEN IMMEDIATELY"

Hot damn, I got right on it.  Inside were two boarding passes.  One that somehow got me to Las Vegas and Orlando, on a "TBD" carrier (but don't worry, I get to board in Group 1), and a boarding pass for a Carnival cruise that has me leaving from Miami and Galveston at the same time.  At least I know who is transporting me to the Caribbean or Mexican Rivera (I guess they assume there is two of me).

Then there is a letter that tells me how I have WON the [sic] new Mercedes Benz, BMW or Porsche; a value of $49,000 or $49,000 CASH. 

Shit, may day has really gotten better after telling Ex-Cop no to his lame practical joke.

Oh, wait, these are actually "Boarding Vouchers" to claim my free vacation (a $795 value).  They also want me to choose between the cruise or the plane.  Bastards.  However, my minimum gift total value is $1295.  I just have to call them at 1-800-327-4614 to arrange for a "convenient time to pick-up my prize and for details on how to claim my vacation!"  I am "guaranteed to receive my prize and gift immediately in accordance with my confirmation letter."

Hey now.  I have to call and write a letter.  That's too much damn work for a vacation and a sports car.  However, look, they say I'll get a gift and a prize.  Maybe I should look at the phone call as the prize and the letter as the gift?  They again remind me that my PRIZE and GIFT minimum total value is $1295.  That's a funny minimum when I already know I won a vacation and a car, not to mention what ever the value of the gift may be.

I'll make sure to ask Ex-Cop to give them a call for me, and then perhaps I'll think about giving his wife a call.  I kind of want to know the details of this scam.  He's an Ex-Cop, maybe he can do something with their fakery.  Doubt it, he'd probably just fall for it, and go get in line with his Boarding Voucher that says on the side, "Not valid for travel -- Not an actual boarding pass."