Look at him! How could I do something that may end our relationship? He DANCES with me when I visit. Stands up, hugs my waist with his front legs, and dances me around, dips me when he's feeling saucy (which is always, damn dog feels me up when I'm doing the dishes).
But look at her! I just want to tongue her all day long.
I think Flammo was a bit jealous herself. I told her that Emma has a main squeeze so we're just having a side fling. Not to worry, that A. is still MY MAN. I don't know why it threatens Flammo so much, but it does. She doesn't want to see him "hurt." Those are her words. She said he's a "fragile pup." Which is true, he is recovering from FLACCID tail syndrome (aka: limber tail, limp tail, or most accurately, acute caudal myopathy).
After much discussion over my abhorrent behavior this weekend, Flammo and I got to talking about other matters. She started telling me about how a friend of hers (one I do not know but shares the same name as my sister whom I don't talk to, so it seems appropriate), who got a staph infection after shoulder surgery. She had to have a golf-ball-sized bit of flesh removed from her leg. This is a familiar story to me, because I have a friend who had it a lot worse. It's a long story, so let's just say she looks like a shark bit her arm, and she has a huge scar on her leg where her skin was harvested for a skin graft to cover the part they had to surgically remove on her arm. Those horror stories you hear about catching horrible MRSA infections, are not all lies.
Now, Flammo is such a good friend (though more stubborn that me, therefore things can be a bit contentious between us at times), that she actually not only visited her friend in the hospital, but offered to WIPE her if she had to go to the bathroom (one arm had an IV in it, and the other was the one operated upon). See, that is what I like about Flammo. She totally would wipe your ass if you were in need. I like to feel I am that type of friend, too.
However, The Boy, always says he would NOT do something like that. Who knows if he would change in mind when forced to face such a reality, but he is quite the squeamish type. If I tried to discuss this article, he would cry. I find it absolutely fascinating, and yes, I look at my poo before I flush, and I know Flammo does, too. I originally read that article because I've been having dark-green poos, and I just wanted to validate my theory that my iron supplements were causing it. Looks like I'm right. Regardless of what color The Boy's poo is in the future, if he ever needed me to wipe his ass, I want to go on the record and say I would not only do that for him, but I would do it for any one I love. My friends are just THAT IMPORTANT!
Read what happens during our conversation of wiping each other's asses:
Grumples: if you had to wipe my ass, i'd have you check for zits to pop
Grumples: you know, to make it fun for you, too
Flammo: there are some door-to-door meat sales people outside
That's right, DOOR-TO-DOOR MEAT SALES PEOPLE SHOWED UP AT HER DOOR! While we were talking about wiping my ass and letting her pop zits to make it more fun. I'm so not making this up!
Grumples: no way
Grumples: get some
Grumples: so you can throw it at the cowboy church people
Flammo: it is too expensive for that!
Flammo: i did answer and told him 'no thank you'
Of course I try to get her to buy some to throw at some god-fearing church people. It's good to know that Flammo's only principle against this was it was cost prohibitive. This is the rest of the relevant piece of convo that actually brings this all back around to A.
Grumples: that was nice of you
Grumples: i wouldn't have answered
Grumples: i can't stand opening the door
Grumples: it is like answering the phone
Flammo: i know, but i feel bad snice we are obviously home with windows open
Grumples: yes, that happens to us all the time
Grumples: but i just pretend i'm in the bathroom
Flammo: if it was the religious types then no, i wouldn't
Grumples: i mean, i sit on the couch and imagine that i am in the bathroom
Grumples: and then i feel less guilty
Flammo: haha!
Flammo: something about door-to-door meat just turns me off of meat period
Grumples: may i put that on my blog?
Grumples: there's so much of this conversation i'd like to post
Flammo: ammo tooted then whipped around to inspect his butt!
Flammo: sure!
Grumples: like "today i sate at work chatting with my friend Flammo, and she said she'd wipe my ass if i was ever disabled, and i said i'd let her pop my ass zits just to give her more pleasure in the chore"
Flammo: oh that would be fun!
Grumples: ok, tonight's blog will be all about our conversations today
Flammo: it is so funny!
Flammo: it makes a sound like pssssst
Grumples: and he goes, "huh? who's trying to tell me a secret?"
Flammo: i'll read it
Flammo: exactly!
Grumples: you should read this morning's
Grumples: it is amusing
Flammo: i'm scratching his butt for him now
Grumples: "is that my ass trying to tell me a secret?"
Grumples: "does my ass have snacks for me? is that what it's trying to say?"
Flammo: haha!
Grumples: "and will those snack be deep fried?"
Flammo: warmed, but not fried
Surprisingly, the subject changes after that point. (Don't judge our spelling errors--she was outside enjoying her day off, and I was technically working, working very hard.)
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