Monday. Torrential rain. Hour late to work but still the first one to get here. Xerox is down again, after being told by the Xerox technician on Friday that he had replaced all the boards and it should be working fine. This took him 6 days in a row to do. No one is pleased that the damn thing is down again. I sent a snarky email to the whole floor, IT and the person who deals with our Xerox contract. I may have mentioned dropping the Xerox from our collective will, and that we plan to sue the Xerox doctors, that our lawyers are already on the phone. Everyone on the floor ate this up like the good little boys and girls they are--so easy to amuse! However, the person who deals with our contract felt it was a good idea to send my email to the Xerox rep, who now thinks we are threatening legal action. Awesome.
Just went in to the bathroom, and there is poop on the toilet seat in the first stall. How does this happen? And once it does happen, however it does, why would a person not clean that up? I mean, if you get shit on the seat, isn't there a good chance you just got shit on the back of your ass? As far as I am aware, I have never shat on the back of a toilet seat, and my ass is not small, yet I still know how to direct my poop chute at the giant hole in the middle of the toilet seat.
Since I did not feel like cleaning up someone else's shit this morning, I went to the 3rd stall. The 2nd stall doesn't lock, and in my life I have been walked in on more than once while I'm in the middle of wiping myself. That to me is the lowest point of using the bathroom. I can handle being walked in on while pulling down my underwear, sitting on the toilet and standing back up, but I simply feel it is completely humiliating to be observed wiping myself. Thus, I did the horrible thing and used the 3rd stall, the handicap stall. I always rationalize this decision by thinking that I've never seen a person in a wheelchair in this building. Yet, the guilt still remains. I find it hard to move my bowels with so much guilt hanging over me.
Also, I may be 100% off base, but I think Twit may be pregnant. This is from a snippet of overheard conversation (she's always yakking on her cell at her desk), and something about her doctor, needing to check on the back pain which is probably just due to the extra weight, and all the chunks of time she's been out of the office lately. Now, to be clear, this is completely speculation. I never ever look at her, so I have never contemplated looking at her stomach. I did force myself to take a look today, but she is wearing a very ill-fitting blouse that is like a big box. This could be her normal bad taste in clothes or she is starting to show. Why I'm not totally sure about this for the most part is because the woman loves to talk about herself, and I'm relatively certain that if she was pregnant she would be telling everyone for the attention. I think she dreams of ways to receive emails from coworkers congratulating her on X, or sending their regards on Y, and regrets on Z. Seriously, I should copy the letter she sent 350 coworkers on why they should donate to charity--it included details of her near-death experience and her child dying. Which is sad, terribly sad. But is this the forum to tell strangers about your personal woes? No it is not. It is disgusting and looks like a total play for attention. Ok, yes, my baby died, but that's not the point, I'm just trying every play in the book to get you to notice me! Did it work?
Lastly, I have a hole in my black tights that I keep having to rearrange so it will be under my shoe. This is a very distracting situation.
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