Blue-Green Algae

There's a phenomenon that happens every year where the blue-green algae in the river, which provides the city with its water, starts to break down and cause some nasty-ass smell and flavor to the drinking water. Officially, what we are smelling and tasting is the "by-products" of the algae, but it is much easier to just think of it as a chemical reaction. It is totally normal and safe, but it makes for an unpleasant moments at the drinking fountain and in the shower.

A lot of people don't even notice this change in the water, but to me, I might as well go scrape some scummy neon-green pond and shove it up my nose for how bad it is. The city would call me "sensitive" to the blue-green algae. I'm sure some people would feel totally awesome-cool that they are "sensitive," as in SPECIAL, but it just makes me weep in to my palms for the horror of it all. While I'm showering, I just keep dumping at least 10 bottles of candy-smelling body soap all over myself in hopes that I will stop smelling like moldy bread. When I get out and look at myself in the mirror (the best part of the morning is seeing myself all naked, flushed and wet in the mirror; come on, you know you do it, too), I keep expecting to see mold spores dappling my pale skin. Spores that I need to dig out with a long pinky nail and hope the rest of me is still good.

I can't avoid bathing (as much as that really sounds good to the part of me that wants to sleep in as late as possible), but I can stay clear of drinking the water. I have a deep love for bubbly water. Seriously, we ("we" here being The Boy and I) buy it in bulk. We easily go through 48 cans a week. I wouldn't even notice the blue-green algae problem if I wasn't forced to stick my face and body bits in it. All those bubbles popping on my tongue and scrubbing at my throat is like having fairies in my mouth. That may sound silly, but seriously, it's water and it feels good, and makes everything all squeaky clean without any calories and sour film on my teeth. Why would I drink boring ol' tap water that is flat and has a weird buzz to it that feels like the plankton are totally sitting on my tongue and nibbling on various bits of waste in my mouth. Am I the only one who feels this way about tap water? I swear, it feels so alive, and not in a good way, but in a dirty, chewy way. At least I know what to expect with carbonation. Plus, it is totally cheap scrubbing-bubble action for my mucous-covered throat (allergies will always feature strongly around here).

The city is using carbon filters in an attempt to minimize the flavor and smell, but there's no way to know how long the algae will be breaking down in the water. I read in the paper some lady who was really mad she had to put up with this offending odor in the water she PAYS for. You know, because cities control nature. The council tells the mayor to hop to it, and s/he gets up on a podium and starts lecturing nature on what it needs to improve about itself to fit our human standards. The city must be very invested in screwing her over, and are laughing at her pain. I know I am. I so would not want to be those city customer-service people who are probably busy with really asinine complaint calls. At least they have good benefits and can probably go see a therapist on a regular basis.

I have not called the city to complain. I realize what is going on, it happens every year. I am not demanding my money back since it is completely harmless, and it still behaves like water in that it makes me pee and washes off soap. Some people just need to be a little more grateful. Even me at times, even me.