22 December 2009

My Life in Snot

Since spending my evening in the sticks with all that cedar, I have been very sick. Each passing minute I feel worse, and it is all allergies. Meaning, it won't kill me, I just want to die. Desperately want to die. Or at least bore holes in my cheeks and the roof of my mouth.

Today the allergy index is at 8, which is considered medium-high. Now, how about this for some fun?

Wednesday: 10.2 (RED ZONE)
Thursday: 7.9
Friday: 9.7 (more RED ZONE)

I'm just the luckiest, snottiest girl to have every lived. And let me tell you something, if another person laughs at my sneezing and carrying a box of Puffs Plus with Lotion around with me, and commenting, "Well, you are living in the allergy capital of the world!" I'm going to shove every single cold, wet tissue up each and every one of his/her orifices and I'll let the snot just pour out of my nose and yell, "Who's the stupid one now, asshole?" Then I'll sandpaper the edges of his/her nostrils and crack each one of his/her upper molars so he/she can feel exactly how I feel. So there.

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