Toothpaste in My Eye

Yes, my day started off with a bit of toothpaste in my right eye. Right in the inner corner. This is a consequence of brushing my teeth in the shower. However, it is usually way riskier to brush them after the shower because I WILL get toothpaste all over my clothes. I find it impossible not to. Sure, I could brush my teeth before the shower, but the Orange Lover is asleep in the sink and I'm not going to disturb him. So, brushing in the shower really is my only option.

My eyes take a beating almost on a daily basis. My allergies just love to suck my eyes dry then throw fine grains of salt on them. Thus, they burn and itch at some point every day.

(TV pause: Oh, my, god. I'm watching Britain's Missing Top Model and they are playing Nick Cave in the background. I'm so not shitting you. Now it is the House theme song; which makes me wonder if the House theme song is actually a *real* song.)

The rest of the time I am pulling cat hairs and crusties out of my eyes. I've been wearing contacts since 1987 (seriously, this is the kindest thing my parents did for me, because I was one ugly duckling). I don't know if wearing contacts for 22 years makes my eyeballs a bit desensitized when things like cat hairs find their way up in there. Seriously, I can pull out a 2" cat hair. It tickles. It isn't as horrible as it sounds. Yet, how can a 2" hair find its way in to my eye in the first place, then hang out there for awhile until I fish it out of there? The allergies cause the mass amounts of crusties. Thus, I am constantly picking at my poor eyeballs.

And now this. Toothpaste in the eye. That mentholated coolness packed one hell of a sting for such a tiny fleck of paste. Yes, your eye can definitely feel COLD. My eye was red only for a couple of hours, but I can still feel exactly where it hit. Like a pinprick of acid.

Thus, I decided to look up online what others have to say about toothpaste in the eye. Seems a lot of people were worried about their eyes burning out of their head. That never even occurred to me. I saw it more as a little dot of a burn on my eye, but nothing actually burning through my eye in to its little rods and cones. Then there are all these posts about how toothpaste is a great way to combat teargas if you're at a protest (or where ever else you may be that teargas could be present). Now, I think that is one hell of a toss-up: teargas in the eye or toothpaste? There's a reason why toothpaste SCRUBS, it has little granules in it, and you can't exactly wash it out without some serious irritation. Does anyone want to volunteer and see which is better? Teargas or toothpaste? And then teargas first with a nice minty-cool toothpaste washing?

Lastly, there was some wacky person who uses toothpaste to actually whiten her red eyes. Seems she puts it right under her bottom lash line, and let the fumes rise in to her eyes. I personally do not advise taking this route; but hey, if it works for you, and you don't mind being blind one day, then go for it! White eyes now, blindness later, an easy choice.