It's a scientific fact that cops are totally scared of their computers. Daily, in precincts across the world, cops are pulling their firearms on their work PCs. It made a noise, quick, shoot it! I swear it snarled when I started it, and I took that as an act of aggression. That keyboard had white powder all over it, must be cocaine. Take that motherfucker down. The way that little line on the screen keeps flashing is totally intimidating and I think it just called me a "pig" and pulled a knife on me. It is totally hard being a cop near a computer. Risky. Have to think of one's family and whatnot. It's worse than being a firefighter and entering burning buildings. Computers are completely unpredictable. They just cannot be trusted. Therefore, cops will never learn how to use them, and are perfectly willing to risk their administrative staff's lives to use that scary plastic box that whirs with engine noises and glares with bright white lights. Cops are only willing to save your life on the street--not when you're in front of a computer. Just a scientific fact.
A snapshot of my day:
Ex-cop needed to know how to attach a picture to an email.
Ex-cop lackey needed to know why all the files he worked on yesterday are gone (worked on them straight from an email and did not do a "save as," so they were still in his temp files).
Ex-cop couldn't print a picture. I declined to help, pleading ignorance to why he was unable to print a picture.
Ex-cop Lady Lackey needed help figuring out when timesheets were due, even though it said in a) an email and b) I printed it on the bottom of the timesheets.
Ex-cop needed to know when timesheets were due, and I went over the same spiel that I gave Ex-cop Lady Lackey. The timesheets are due early this week due to the upcoming holiday; however, timesheets in general are due every other Monday. Seems Ex-cop hasn't gotten the grasp of the every-other-Monday deadline, because apparently he had no idea Monday was a holiday. At least Ex-cop Lady Lackey knew when timesheets are normally due.
Reading emails must be very hard for them, considering all those viruses running amok that could kill their dainty cop minds. Then again, I'm talking about a man (Ex-cop) who took over 30 seconds to sign his name. He stopped 3 times, and had to really work hard to form his letters. I felt like I should pat him on the head and give him a gold star when he finally finished.
Twit spent her afternoon discussing her pregnancy with anyone who would listen. She called people, she talked to the cop crowd, she caressed herself a lot. She is full of joy and caffeine. I expect her to go in to early labor and birth a cross-eyed baby Twit. She has gestational diabetes, so now she is bemoaning how she has to change her diet. I guess the doctor didn't tell her to cut the coffee out since she was griping while sipping. I'd like to stuff her in the trunk of her old-lady convertible for a few hours each day. With a rabid rabbit.
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