Today I was browsing a friend's profile on FB. She had just posted some nice pictures of her kid, who must be like 12 years old by now (damn girl, when did we actually get to that age?). Her daughter is beautiful just like her mom, but the creepy thing to me (to me) is that they look exactly the same with the exception of eye color. Now I can only base this off of her face alone, but seriously, same face. I don't know why I define this as "creepy," but it is the word that keeps coming to mind. It's probably that I cannot fathom a) having a child, and b) one that looked exactly like me.
I would say it has taken me a good 30 years to actually be pretty happy with my appearance. Maybe my daughter would be a lot stronger and more secure than I was, but I think the perspective I am looking out is more having to deal with watching myself outside of myself. Even while knowing she is not me, I feel as if I would like at her and feel confused and wonder, wow, is that how I looked as a teenager? Then I'd probably feel really sorry for myself for not realizing how hot I was back then, and eat some hot dogs in self-pity over my lost glory days.
I asked Frijole and Fink-Nottle about this as they are also happily living without child. FN didn't think it was creepy at all and proudly kept with the stance that his wife is beautiful so why should he mind. Frijole groaned when I told her, because we both knew that was obvious, and so not the point. While Frijole did not agree quite as strongly with the creepiness of it all, she did bring up a completely different horrifying point that she finds creepy: watching her friends turn in to their mothers. That totally got me off thinking about is it creepy if your child is identical to you in person, and had me crying in the back of my closet in fears that I would start to look like my mother.
This was so appropriate because a woman I knew over 20 years ago (aka: pre-teen) posted a note on one of my FB photos saying she can see my mom in me. That's a slap to my face and spitting on the Orange Lover's grave as an insult. Beside how I may feel toward my mother emotionally, I never found her to be particularly attractive. She wasn't ugly per se, just plain in that drab English way (including some seriously mangled teeth). She had nice gray eyes, I'll give her that. I always liked to think I was adopted (because if I was an insecure child, I still had a sense that I was attractive in some sort of way that I had just not figured out yet). I asked Wikus if he felt I looked like my mother, since he's the only one who has actually met her in real life (I only have one picture of her for others to reference), and he snorted and said something like, "hell no." I don't think he said that out of love for me either. We really just don't look alike. Then again, I don't think my sister and I look anything alike, but The Boy totally thinks we do. So I concede that I may have a problem with self-evaluating my features when it comes to my family members. However, I still trust Wikus on this one, and seeing as the The Boy hasn't met my mother, I don't have to worry about anyone disagreeing with him.
The other two big topics of conversation today were television shows and the news that some douchey California elementary school banned the fucking dictionary. It is so infuriating how those 9- and 10-year-old kids know that the dictionary has words in it. Haven't we been looking up "bad" words in the dictionary, you know, since the fucking dictionary became available in all homes and schools? How is this news, and where the fuck does this school get off banning the fucking dictionary from its classrooms! Never mind the fact that kids can just go online and look up the word, or are they banning www.dictionary.com at the school, too (I'm assuming they at least have a computer in the library)? If, as a parent, you are so paranoid that your child will come across something you feel s/he should not see, then you better take that kid out of school, both public and private. Just keep your asshole, censoring bullshit out of the public and keep it at home, and one can at least hope the kids learn on their own once they get out of their parents' sheltered house.
That whole conversation with Fink-Nottle happened because I messaged him that Ex-Cop was yelling for me from his office (I always pretend to not here the first time), and even when I was listening, I still couldn't understand what he was saying; thus, forcing him to come out of his office and approach me with his question:
Ex-Cop: How do you spell "ad-ad-adjoining?"
Me: Excuse me (in disbelief)
Ex-Cop: "Adjoining" like an "adjoining parking lot"
Me: Yes, yes I know what you meant
Ex-Cop: How do you spell it?
Me: A...D...J...
Ex-Cop: "J!" Got it, thank you!
How was he spelling it? With a "G?" Anyway, I messaged Fink-Nottle to inquire why this man, a former detective, didn't know how to use his computer to find out that really pressing question? Then you really wonder about removing resources from children. What if they end up like Ex-Cop?
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