On Merging

Lately, the concept of "proper" merging has been on my mind a lot. It started when I read "Traffic: Why We Drive the Way We Do (and What It Says About Us)". This was the first time I was presented with the idea that merging late is good, instead of being the basest, evilest act of human stupidity that I heretofore always thought.

Then yesterday, I was reading some one's blog (and I'm terrible for not remembering whose, I realize that and have punished myself adequately by feeling terribly guilty for at least 30 minutes now...ok, the guilt forced me to go find it), where she talks about the "zipper-merge method" and links to another blog of a woman who gives her view on it.

I have spent the past month really thinking of the late merging (now with a friendlier name, zipper merge!). I have looked at it from many angles, and I understand the basic idea: The merge lane is empty and not freely moving traffic if everyone is merging at the beginning of the lane. Therefore, there's just an empty lane next to clogged lanes. I can see the insult in that. Zipper-merging is pretty much the same idea, except where I had always practiced it at the beginning of merge lanes (where I let one person in, and the person behind me lets one person in, and so on), the proponents of zipper-merging want to do that at the end of the merge lane (which of course is how late merging should work as well).

This all makes sense to me when traffic is freely flowing. Use all the lanes, get in at the end by the person at the front making a space for you. In concept that is really pretty and efficient. Except, come on, nothing works in reality like that. It is a fucking free-for-all out there. People are going to merge when they have space to do so at any point in the merge lane; whether that be over a solid white line, anywhere along the lane or at the very end when the line is solid again and the vehicle is about to hit a guardrail unless someone kindly lets him/her in (which, for the record, will not be me).

What really happens is I am kind and let someone in at the beginning of the merge lane, and then usually another person in the middle of the lane who wasn't able to get over earlier probably due to some asshole who just doesn't let a single person merge. Then there's usually a Ford F-150 or the ridiculous Caddy SUV that will force its way in front of me whether I like it or not. At this point I am now 3-4 cars behind where I want to be, and this is happening also to all the other cars in front of me putting me what, 10+ cars behind where I want to be? Then to finally be past the merge lane to have some jackass nosing his/her way in front of me? I don't fucking think so. If everyone was let in at the end, then that would be fine. That would mean that whole lane waited just like my lane waited. Only one vehicle would get ahead at a time and in turn. Since that is not remotely how it works, why would I let someone go to the very end and pretty much try to dare me to not let him/her in to the pack? Go ahead and hit my car jackass; I believe you have to yield to me motherfucker. And so help you if you actually drive in the merge lane all the way past it to the breakdown lane; I will eat the car's bumper in front of me before I would ever let your holiness in to my lane.

We can all talk in theories but the problem comes in how they are applied and enforced. Since the majority of drivers are abusing the merge lane when they drive to the end, I'm not going to start changing my behavior because in theory it sounds good.

However, zipper-merging in crowded parking lots is perfect, and I find is usually pulled off just fine by the majority of drivers. Probably because there is no empty lane for everyone to crowd in and get in front of other people who have been waiting patiently to exit. We're all pretty much in the same situation: We all want to get out of the parking lot and we're all stuck in it until we all cooperate together by letting one person out/in as we go. That just doesn't work on the highway.

Beside, driving to the end of a lane and then expecting that someone will let me over, just feels like a serious asshole move. It shows I am selfish and feel I am more important than the people in the other lane. That is how it feels to me; I understand not everyone feels the same way, which is fine. But yes, I am going to judge you, and probably on very little other than my mood that day, and decide that you are being an asshole and I will totally not let you in the lane and you'll have to wait for someone nicer than me. Feel free to yell and honk; I do the same when I feel it is my right. We are equals in that!