29 June 2010

Crap, Fruits Have Calories?

Must stop eating what I've been eating.  Gorging on all these fatty food substances will not do at all.  I was busting out of my shirt this morning and my upper arms felt like sausages in a silky shirt casing.  Lame.  Since Saturday I have eaten the following:

  • chocolate cupcakes (yes, plural...I believe I ate at least 4)
  • pigs in a blanket (probably 5 or so, which was totally rude since there weren't that many and I was at a party)
  • slice of really thick gooey chocolate cake
  • a whole Amy's margherita pizza
  • 1.5 huge muffins that should really just be called large cupcakes without icing
  • a breaded pork chop
  • the best cream corn I have ever had
  • peach buckle
  • meatloaf in a cupcake shape
  • lasagna
  • french fries
  • chicken chow fun
  • another piece of chocolate cake
  • chocolate-chip cookies
  • Wheat Thins
  • cheese, pepperoni, salami from deli tray
  • bite-sized Snickers
  • a Coke a day
  • non-spiked punch
When did this tubby urge come over me?  All this food has pretty much just been presented to me at various parties and functions.  There's half a cake left on my desk at work, with a box of leftover cookies by my computer.  I willingly took the cookies.  I have no idea why my desk was picked as the cake spot.  I plan to move it when I get in tomorrow.  Tonight I will only drink a fruit smoothie.  I promise.

Meet Mr. Walking Stick.  I met him yesterday at one of our more backwoods office locations.  He was longer than my hand.  He's the longest Phasmatodea I have ever seen.  If I had been in possession of a miniature leash, I would have strapped him in and taken him for a nice long walk.  We could have participated in some bird watching, and shared a cheese-and-tomato sandwich.  Instead, I chose to go back inside to help one of my division managers organize his office.  Something tells me I made a poor choice.


Notice how Mr. Walking Stick is "cessible."  That's my favorite part about him.

If insects aren't appealing enough, I have P1 suckling a P2!  P2 should just go ahead and grow some milk-heavy teats already because it seems P1 is not going to give up hope that  he'll squeeze some juice out of poor P2's nips.  Sometimes P1 even tries non-traditional areas like the neck or leg.  He's that needy.


I need to record the slurp slurp slurp of P1.  It's a frantic susurrate of sucking.  At first it seems cute, then it isn't.  I would hate to be P2 with all that grabby-paw action on my goods. 

Kittens learned to climb up my body today.  Something I didn't know about myself: I can only pry one kitten off my torso at a time.  It requires two hands: one to grab the kitten, and the other to unhook the claws.  With two kittens attached, I just give up and yell "fuck" a lot.

2 comments:

Canadian Buffalo Head said...

Two questions.
1. What is a peach buckle?
2. Did the cream corn taste of garmonbozia?

Grumples said...

1.

Peach Buckle

Serves 8, Prep time: 15 mins, Total time: 60 mins

Ingredients
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened, plus more for skillet
• 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
• 3 large eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled)
• 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 pounds peaches, pitted, peeled, and cut into 1/2-inch pieces (4 cups)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/3 cup sliced almonds

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Butter a 10-inch cast-iron skillet, nine-inch square baking pan, or a two-quart shallow baking dish.

In a large bowl, cream butter and 3/4 cup sugar with an electric mixer until fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, and vanilla; beat to combine.

In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt. With mixer on low speed, gradually add flour mixture to butter mixture; beat until incorporated. Fold in peaches.

Spread batter in prepared skillet. In a small bowl, mix together remaining 2 tablespoons sugar, cinnamon, and almonds. Sprinkle mixture over top; bake until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean and topping is golden, 45 to 50 minutes. Let cool 20 minutes before serving.

2. Oh, no, that cream corn tasted of orgasms and delight. Trust me. No pain and sorrow to be found there.