Home Depot:: Stocking All Your Tooth Shellacking Needs

The internet must never ever die.  I was left cold and frightened without it all day long.  From 7am-4pm, I had no access to my darling internet.  I may have even cried in the bathroom a few times.  However, I may have been without internet, but I did get the extreme pleasure of seeing ducks and a young cat hang out together.  It was so amazing.  There were at least three different flavors of duck, and I was without camera (sadly, I do not have an iPhone and only have an old flip-phone that can't take a picture in the direct sunlight much less early-morning gray).

The kittens are totally drugged out right now on a catnip mouse.  I read that most kittens aren't affected by catnip, but not my two.  They keep stealing it from each other and scampering away.  It's awesome.  Baby chickenmonkeys are the best ever.

This afternoon I was caught at the doctor's office without a book.  Which, if possible, is worse than being without internet.  To make it worse, I got there a half-hour early.  What the fuck is wrong with me?  I sat around texting Ivy Vyne and Emma's Mom to keep me busy.  EM didn't offer that much in return but to brag that she always keeps a nook book in her car.  How does that help me?  Ivy Vyne and I discussed various things, included the extremely pregnant woman sitting in front of me wearing pantyhose and aggressively filing her nails.  My first thought she was crazy for wearing hose considering it was in the 90s, then I rationalized that they must be support stockings in an attempt to prevent varicose veins.  I also thought she might be mormon and the filing of her nails was taking her mind off of her heavenly underwear stretching across that swollen abdomen.  When they finally brought me back to the room, they left me sitting there with my dress hitched above my hips and shivering under a thin, white sheet.  They left me there for 20 minutes.  Gah.  I practiced having good posture on the exam table, but realized that after about 5 seconds, my face was practically in my lap.  I'm such an old lady.

The doctor was surprisingly not mad at me for taking out my own stitches.  She more wondered why I came in, and I had to remind her that I need to get sterilized and we had a date to discuss.  So I sat there still half-naked and under my sheet and we talked.  I explained that I know I'm totally being irrational but I wasn't a fan of the Essure, and didn't want anything going through my vagina and cervix to do the deed.  Now, she is a fantastic person because she accepted this!  She'll either totally burn them to crispy noodles, or she'll put a ring around them to squeeze them shut (why that is more acceptable to me than coils, I couldn't tell you).  She'll put a camera in my belly button and the tools through a small hole above my bush.  Scars don't bother me any!  I'm so excited.  We're looking at 6/25 or 7/9, depending on her schedule.  Her surgery nurse will be giving me a call.  If we do it next week, then I'll need to put a call out to all local friends to come and nurse me because The Boy will be out of town.  I really should qualify that with not just nursing me, but taking care of these crazy animals.  Like the goatchimp and all those furry chickenmonkeys.  Who would turn down that kind of fun?  Seriously, if you're interested in babysitting me, please feel free to sign up for a shift.

The best news you'll hear all month: ET had a healthy, moist poo filled with hay bits!  Yes, not a hard chunk of sand poo, but a hay poo, which means he's shitting out his current diet!  His blockage is gone.  He's healed!  Whew. I'm so happy for him.  I even let him crawl on the ground chomping on the grass.  He walked over my foot and barely touched it with his shell.  He's no longer dragging himself along the ground, but actually lifting himself up with his legs.  It is so amazing.
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Wikus: Don't blog too much; it'll wear the enamel off of your teeth.
Grumples: oh, god!
Grumples: is that true?
Wikus: Yes
Grumples: is there a cure if it is already happening?
Wikus: Tooth shellac?
Grumples: can that be found at home depot?
Wikus: Yes, but you'll need a prescription.