chickenmonkeys and goatchimps: Mistaking My Finger For a Carrot

Seriously Dodge? SERIOUSLY? "Here's a couple of things America got right: cars and freedom." Gross. Don't even talk about that part where there were these guys dressed to look like they were prepared for a Red Coat invasion. I can only assume this war would be trying to steal our cars and freedom. Damn those British always coming over here and stabbing us with bayonets just so they can abscond with our hard-won overly large vehicles.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of jury duty at the municipal court three blocks from my office. I caught up on some reading (The Little Stranger, Sarah Walters) and didn't bother with my laptop since it is the noisiest fucker and that waiting room was almost a vacuum of silence. I'm sure most people wouldn't even think about how their laptop sounds like a broken fridge, but I get totally anxious over it. As if everyone is staring hatred at me for having the audacity to be so distracting with all my noise.

Texas is one of only three states that lets people being charged with a Class C misdemeanor choose if they want a bench judge or a jury trial. Neat! Why anyone would go for the jury is beyond me. The defendant in this case was a lawyer and therefore did not bring representation and thought he could just charm his way through. During voir dire he actually started arguing his case, and later when he asked us if there was any of us who were mad or annoyed by him, we should raise our hands. Yes, I did. I told him he was annoying. That as a lawyer he should know better to start in on his case before the jury is even seated. Dumbfuck. Surprisingly, I was not chosen to serve. I did stay through the whole trial, just to see that smarmy lawyer convicted. He was so slimy and manipulative, but luckily the jury saw right through him, and convicted his ass within minutes. Brahahaha. It took a lot of effort to not clap. Seriously, my hands were coming together and I had to scoot out the door before they started applauding. No did I do fist pump in the air. Or hoot. I want to attend more trial. It is a fascinating watch.

Hi, I'm a lawyer, I can't even win my own case. Hire me!

I just stupidly sliced my finger open on the vegetable peeler I left on the coffee table from Saturday when I was making ET his vitamin-A salad. Now I have vegetable and fruit germs in my system. Will I wake up with my finger swollen and pussy? Speaking of which, Wikus was possibly bitten by Mattress tonight (it happened so fast that it was hard to tell if it was a bite or a puncture from claws), and he completely ignored my pleas to go to urgent care. He scoffed at my concern. SCOFFED! I'm not taking his ass in the morning if his hand has fallen off and is being chewed on by his cats. Not. My. Problem.

Fun pictures!