This Blog is Sponsored by Sarah Palin's Nipples

New twist in my ongoing teeth issues: a bone spur.  Joys of all joys.  Sing hallelujah and praise the spectacularness of my mouth.  I'm going to keep assuming it is my tori being bitches.  I thought they were growing after all, so maybe my gums just couldn't keep up and the damn thing poked right through.  It's a sharp little poking bit in the back of my mouth, under my teeth where it touches my tongue (but thankfully does not rub it...not yet at least).  The teeth pain suddenly disappeared one morning, and for that I am glad.  I will attempt to not fantasize about the horrible mouth cancer I undoubtably have.  I admire Roger Ebert for being able to go through such things, but I really don't think I have the strength for it.  That won't stop me from totally freaking out at the thought of it, which I will then of course think of it some more because I'll feel guilty for being such an idiot in the first place for freaking out over nothing.  The cycle will continue until it either goes away, or it is bothering me so much I go to the dentist.  My hygienist is my friend on FB.  Maybe I should send her a work-related question; but that makes me feel guilty as well.  Grrr.

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The heavy flash thunderstorms are loitering.  They've been here for ages.  They deluge different parts of town daily, but never the whole time at once.  Welcome to Texas.

Here's the aftermath of an afternoon storm on Sunday, July 9th.

 This is from this afternoon when I was driving back to work from my therapy appointment.  I got some strange looks at the traffic light as I shouted at my hands to stop shaking and take the goddamn picture already.  It literally started pouring a minute after taking this, so much so that I could barely drive back to the office.  The wipers couldn't keep up, and it was almost impossible to see where anything was.  I know the reasonable thing to do is pull over, but that's not the way we roll around these parts.

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Fun with Facebook--using a friend's status update to tell crazy stories to her friends whom I do not know.

Ivy Vyne's status from last Friday: would like to know why Amtrak always has the a/c cranked? Two more hours of shivering. Awesome. And yes, I'm wearing a sweater.

Comments ensue from various people (who knew it would be such an exciting status update?):

Grumples: I once spent 3 days on a train. I ended up with frost-bitten nose and toes. It was awful. Play more words!

Ivy Vyne basically responds that she is not worried.

Grumples: My clothes ended up breaking and cracking off my body. My nipples fell off, too.

Ivy Vyne: Ok, now wait just a minute...

Some other people mention what other trains they have found to be too cold.

Grumples: I was really sad because my nipples (after falling off) rolled down the aisle. Some little kid picked them up and put them in his mouth. I have no idea if he swallowed them. His mom was screaming at him, and I don't really to get involved in family matters.

Dude I Don't Know (DIDK): I’m sure all those victims of Aushewitz that arrived by train in the dead heat of summer shared your pain, [Ivy Vyne].

Lady I Don't Know (LIDK): AHAAAAA!!

Ivy Vyne: I don't know, [DIDK], [Grumples'] harrowing tale might rival that of the Jews.

Some discussion regarding global warming--I found this line of conversation boring compared to what I had written (I'm very self-involved).

DIDK: True, I can't wait to see the premier of Shindler's Tits.

Grumples:  [DIDK]! Comic Gold!!

DIDK: Thank you, thank you, I'll be here at the Hampton Casino all week.

Grumples:  That's too long of a drive from Austin. It's a bitch driving without toes and I always get laughed at when fueling my car. People can be so cruel when it comes to prosthetic noses. I'm looking at you Tennessee. However, driving without nipples is oddly liberating. And no, I won't be taking the train--my doctors have strongly advised me to avoid that mode of transportation. Maybe you'll do a Southern tour at some point?

DIDK: I most certainly will [Grumples] - provided you can get me tickets to this:

Grumples: Damn [DIDK]. Get you a ticket? Only after I secure mine first. If I had nipples, they would be very erect right now!

DIDK: I would be willing to donate my nipples for even just a little glimpse of Sarah. 

Grumples: Okay, [DIDK]. Let me see what I can work out for us. Go on and put your vacation request to your boss. 

Notice how Ivy Vyne completely left our conversation.